Ask The Expert
How Not to Spoil Your Children
Gadgets + peer pressure = mega pressure for parents. So how can you teach them to value what they have rather than whining for what they don't have? UKTV Style's Agony Aunt Debbie Rix has some advice on how to say no to your kids without feeling guilty about it.
Dear Debbie,
I'm a single mum with two lovely children, a girl who is six and a boy who is eleven. They are great (most of the time!) but I'm increasingly feeling under pressure to buy them the latest gadgets, trainers, toys, clothes etc, like all their friends seem to get. I don't want to spoil them and I also don't have the money to keep shelling out for everything, but don't want them to feel deprived like I did when I was little. How can I get them to be satisfied with what they have?
Thanks
Shelly
UKTV Style's Agony Aunt replies:
Dear Shelly,
This is a thorny issue that all parents have to deal with at some point. Our children are surrounded by images of things they are encouraged to want. Add peer pressure to the mix and we have a nightmarish problem. Children constantly whining for 'stuff' and parents racked by a double dose of guilt that we cannot satisfy their cravings combined with irritation that they are so demanding. If we are not careful, we end up with a situation that can spiral out of control where the child is constantly feeling deprived whilst we feel manipulated and inadequate.
Ask yourself this question: 'Even if I could afford to buy everything my children want, would it actually be a good idea to give it to them?' You are right to be anxious about spoiling your children. There is nothing worse than seeing a child who has everything and yet is never satisfied. And as with other parenting concerns, like irregular bedtimes or fussy eating habits, there is really only one way to deal with it - stop feeling guilty and take control. You are the parent and it's your job to establish the rules about what your children may or may not expect in the way of 'things'; once you've done it - stick to your guns.
I'm a single mum with two lovely children, a girl who is six and a boy who is eleven. They are great (most of the time!) but I'm increasingly feeling under pressure to buy them the latest gadgets, trainers, toys, clothes etc, like all their friends seem to get. I don't want to spoil them and I also don't have the money to keep shelling out for everything, but don't want them to feel deprived like I did when I was little. How can I get them to be satisfied with what they have?
Thanks
Shelly
UKTV Style's Agony Aunt replies:
Dear Shelly,
This is a thorny issue that all parents have to deal with at some point. Our children are surrounded by images of things they are encouraged to want. Add peer pressure to the mix and we have a nightmarish problem. Children constantly whining for 'stuff' and parents racked by a double dose of guilt that we cannot satisfy their cravings combined with irritation that they are so demanding. If we are not careful, we end up with a situation that can spiral out of control where the child is constantly feeling deprived whilst we feel manipulated and inadequate.
Ask yourself this question: 'Even if I could afford to buy everything my children want, would it actually be a good idea to give it to them?' You are right to be anxious about spoiling your children. There is nothing worse than seeing a child who has everything and yet is never satisfied. And as with other parenting concerns, like irregular bedtimes or fussy eating habits, there is really only one way to deal with it - stop feeling guilty and take control. You are the parent and it's your job to establish the rules about what your children may or may not expect in the way of 'things'; once you've done it - stick to your guns.
