Ask The Expert
Curbing Aggressive Behaviour
If your toddler starts to show signs of aggressive behaviour towards others, it's time to take action. Take some tips from the Cow & Gate parenting team...
Hi Parenting Team,
My three-year-old girl Michelle attends a play group which she loves, but the nursery assistant has informed me that she has started hitting the other children. She tends to do it when she is annoyed or frustrated - how can I help her understand that hitting is unacceptable behaviour?
Thanks,
Dina
Our Parenting Team reply:
Dear Dina,
Unfortunately this problem is quite common especially in toddlers. Three-year-olds have little idea how to express what they are feeling and tend to just go for the aggressive behaviour such as hitting, biting, shouting etc. when they are angry or frustrated.
The best way to control this behaviour is to sit your little girl down and tell her calmly but firmly that hitting is naughty, it upsets mummy and it upsets the other person involved. She will get the idea but you will need to follow it up with a consequence she will understand. I would suggest that when she does hit someone then you should tell her off but then make a real fuss of the victim and ignore her until she says sorry or shows remorse in some other way. Nursery may have a naughty corner or you could create a naughty corner at home and she should be made to stay whilst she is being ignored.
The fact that the person on the receiving end gets more fuss and attention than she does will soon get the message through to her. When she does say sorry or give them a love (whatever she does to make things better) then she should get the praise and cuddles.
Under no circumstances, should you hit her back. This will only enforce the message that hitting is acceptable.
At nursery, the nursery assistant should reinforce your process in the same way so as not to confuse your little girl.
Good luck!
The Parenting Team
Have you got something to ask? Just get yourself onto our Parenting Message Board and leave your question, dilemma or request for information there. Every month, one of the advisors from our Parenting Team will select some of the best and their answers will be printed here in our Parenting section.
My three-year-old girl Michelle attends a play group which she loves, but the nursery assistant has informed me that she has started hitting the other children. She tends to do it when she is annoyed or frustrated - how can I help her understand that hitting is unacceptable behaviour?
Thanks,
Dina
Our Parenting Team reply:
Dear Dina,
Unfortunately this problem is quite common especially in toddlers. Three-year-olds have little idea how to express what they are feeling and tend to just go for the aggressive behaviour such as hitting, biting, shouting etc. when they are angry or frustrated.
The best way to control this behaviour is to sit your little girl down and tell her calmly but firmly that hitting is naughty, it upsets mummy and it upsets the other person involved. She will get the idea but you will need to follow it up with a consequence she will understand. I would suggest that when she does hit someone then you should tell her off but then make a real fuss of the victim and ignore her until she says sorry or shows remorse in some other way. Nursery may have a naughty corner or you could create a naughty corner at home and she should be made to stay whilst she is being ignored.
The fact that the person on the receiving end gets more fuss and attention than she does will soon get the message through to her. When she does say sorry or give them a love (whatever she does to make things better) then she should get the praise and cuddles.
Under no circumstances, should you hit her back. This will only enforce the message that hitting is acceptable.
At nursery, the nursery assistant should reinforce your process in the same way so as not to confuse your little girl.
Good luck!
The Parenting Team
Have you got something to ask? Just get yourself onto our Parenting Message Board and leave your question, dilemma or request for information there. Every month, one of the advisors from our Parenting Team will select some of the best and their answers will be printed here in our Parenting section.
