Hi Debbie,

I suffer from terrible PMT, it makes me feel depressed, irritable, tired and confused. I have learnt to deal with most of these symptoms except my change in feelings towards my partner. Sometimes I don't want him near me, and I definitely don't want sex. He's wonderful and understanding but I worry about the effect it must have on him. As soon as my period comes these feelings tend to go away but then it's only another week and a half and they come back! I feel like I can't cope with it anymore. Does anyone feel the same despite loving their partner?

UKTV Style's Agony Aunt replies:

Hi there,

Firstly, you are not alone. Many women suffer from PMT each month. Symptoms vary but include tiredness, weight gain, food and alcohol cravings, skin problems, water retention, weakness, swollen joints, depression, insomnia, poor concentration, tearfulness, irritation and reduced sex drive. Of course, not everyone experiences all these symptoms, but most of us do seem to suffer at least some of them. Some women also experience extreme Mood Swings and even become violent towards their loved ones.

In your case, irritability and lowered sex drive seem to be your major problem. I would try not to worry too much about this being something to do with your relationship. I feel pretty sure that it is simply a by-product of your hormonal imbalances. My only advice, as far as your relationship is concerned, is that you should explain to your boyfriend that it is the PMT that makes you feel so irritable. Most men are pretty phlegmatic about this kind of problem, as your partner's patience has already demonstrated. Try to show him a lot of affection when you feel ok and make sure he realises that you are trying to do something about it.

OK, so what should you do? Well, if there was a simple antidote to PMT we'd all be taking it. Sadly, it's not quite that straightforward, but there are things you can do or take that will make the situation better.

Stress certainly seems to heighten the symptoms of PMT, so try to avoid any unnecessary stress as you get near the middle of the month. Cut down too on alcohol, as this will rob the body of essential vitamins and minerals; in addition, we all know that one too many glasses of wine tends to bring out the more aggressive side of our nature - which may increase your irritability! Cut down on salt to reduce water retention, and reducing your intake of caffeine has been shown to improve the skin. Too much saturated fat (in meat and dairy produce) will inhibit the body's production of essential fatty acids, which can result in a hormone imbalance. so cut down on these too; switch instead to a diet based largely on vegetables. Finally control your sugar intake which will help to combat weight gain and depression.

Fortunately, it's not all about giving things up, there are lots of things that are very positive that will really help the situation.

Vitamin B has long been considered a useful supplement for the control of PMT symptoms. Try taking a Vitamin B complex with added magnesium and chromium. You could also take Evening Primrose Oil and Starflower Oil which both contain the fatty acid Gamma Linoleic Acid. This helps to regulate hormones, and has been shown to relieve abdominal swelling and breast discomfort, as well as reducing irritability and depression.