Sally Gray Interview - How To Find A Husband

Do you think that men are intimidated by attractive, successful women?

"This is what the experts have told me. According to my psychologist, Dr George Fieldman, men as a rule will go for coy, shy women which obviously I'm not. A lot of the other dating experts told me that men were very put off by me because I 'haemorrhage energy'. But I think that's not the case and guys I've chatted to say that's not the case because they do like a bit of spark - they like a feisty woman. But obviously not all men can cope with that. I think it's really important to be yourself and someone will come along who clicks with you, so don't worry if you're really hyper.

"One good tip is to try and calm down before you go on a date. Dr Sam, my dating doctor, created me some meditation-type CDs to listen to calm me down before going on a date. It's almost like going for a job interview - you have to put your best foot forward."

You are now something of a dating expert - what is the most important rule of dating you learned from making the show?

"I would say to go for a 'light date' as a first date - a coffee date or a drink date - never go for a dinner date as a first date. Just tell them you have an hour or so before you're meeting somebody else.

"It's also good to have a separate mobile phone. I had a little phone I called my Bat Phone just for dating. You can then give that number out on the internet or to any other prospective dates rather than your personal mobile number. When it rang it was like 'All systems go, my god, there's a date coming in, drop everything and run for the phone'. It was really funny! I also had a separate email address and a separate laptop I was using. You need to be wise and safe about these things. I was lucky in that I always had a crew of people with me which suited me fine as somebody who's vaguely familiar from TV meeting somebody completely off the street.

"In fairness though, most of the dates I had were through friends. That was the first dating rule that I had - tell all your friends and your family that you're really serious about finding somebody. I had a party at the start and I got some of my best dates through organising that. I gave my friends a mission statement and said 'Reach out your tentacles and think about who you know for me. Have a look through your mobile phone contacts and get them to think about their contacts and ask them to be really proactive about it'. It was absolutely brilliant - I set up loads of blind dates that way. You've got to be creative about your dating!"

What were the best chat-up lines people tried on you?

"One guy told me I looked like Cate Blanchett which went down really well with me. Another guy recently in the gym did a classic one on me. Lorraine Adams from Gorgeous Networks told me that when I go to the gym I should put on a full face of make-up. I completely rubbished that and said there's no way I'd ever wear make up to the gym because I'm going to sweat profusely and really go for it. However, with no make-up and my hair scraped back with my bandanna on the other day, this guy came up to me and said 'Excuse me, are you auditioning for My Super Ex-Girlfriend?, you know, the film with Uma Thurman in it? I said 'No, why?' And he said, 'You've got the perfect body'. That was one in the eye for not wearing make-up when you go to the gym. A great chat-up line and a bold move from that gentleman.

"It was bizarre - I must have had a slight spring in my step from making the programme because the amount of people who approached me out of the blue when I wasn't being filmed and asked me on dates was unbelievable. It must have been because I was being proactive about things - it seemed to turn men on more. I think if you're really being proactive generally in your social life, it will massively help with your dating prospects."

Which was your worst date of the series?

"For me personally, one of the worst dates was my first date because it was the first moment when I realised that I wasn't a TV presenter anymore but that I was just a girl looking for love. I suddenly realised 'Omigod, there's cameras here, what have I done?' The first date was a guy called Martin that Lorraine from Gorgeous Networks set me up with. He was a lovely, gorgeous guy but we had no coffee because the waiters were too scared to bring it over. So I just sat there fiddling with a napkin feeling really embarrassed while he fired a barrage of questions at me: 'What do you do for a living? Where do you live? How do you relax?' It was like, 'Back off, can we talk about something else?' You're supposed to have normal chat first before you launch into really personal details, and I was really caught off guard with that.

"My second date was another nightmare because Lorraine tried to show me that I should look for someone with more depth and deliberately set me up with someone who was bald and forty-ish with a wet fish handshake which wasn't great. He talked about sitting in his underpants at home working on his computer. That was a real no-no from his point of view. I was like 'What is he saying? Now I've got this vision, it's just awful and I immediately don't fancy you at all'. That was a disaster.

"The dates that were really bad were the long dinner dates that went on and on and on. There was one that I did through the Metro newspaper when I was Catch Of The Week. I chose this guy to date who looked quite cute but was actually quite boring. Five hours later after a glass of champagne, a gin and tonic, white wine, red wine, a glass of port and a Sambuca, I was quite blootered. Don't mix your drinks and go for five-hour marathon dates with someone you don't know very well because you'll be completely trapped!"

How long do you think you should wait before you sleep with someone?

"That's such an individual thing isn't it? I would say definitely not on the first date. The new Sally Gray rule is 'Never bring dates back to your house'. My friends always say to me that I'm such an open person (with my haemorrhaging energy!) and I get so excited when meeting new people that I kind of give away all my trade secrets at the beginning. I think there is a real point for being not coy, but more demure, and holding back some of the really juicy bits and letting them dig a bit. So they do a bit of finding out about you. You've got to have that air of mystery about you. Don't be too obvious."

What did you learn about yourself while making the show?

"God, you know what? I'm still picking through the wreckage! What I learned was never make a TV documentary about finding love, because then everybody's going to start scrutinising you and asking you why you're still single. You get to hear your father going 'I thought you'd be married by now'. Someone called me 'desperate' and there was the thing about 'haemorrhaging energy'. It was like 'Back off everybody'. That was really hard.

"What I did learn was that you've got to expect the unexpected and go with the flow. I think my problem in life is that I've always been going for the good looking bad boys and they ain't gonna make good husbands. They won't make good husbands now because they don't want to settle down yet. They've got that devilment in their eyes and they're still shopping around, doing what men do. They like to chase. And that is not going to give you security. My new tactic in life is now to go for the all-round package rather than someone who dazzles you with their good looks, who might give you that instant animal attraction but isn't going to give you longevity."

Do you think single women in their thirties should lower their standards?

"Definitely not. There's no need to lower your standards. And there's also no need to panic. There's also no need to sit at home watching re-runs of Will & Grace and The West Wing and eating your meals for one. You've got to get out there and do things. Say 'yes' to everything. Any social event that comes to you just say 'yes, I'm there!'. Even if you're knackered after a day's work you have to make yourself go out. You never know what might happen. You've got to make the effort. I dated 50 men. One in ten of them were great. If that's the case, it means if you date only five men a year, it means only half a man's got potential. You've got to go out there and date 30 men a year and the way you're going to do that is to get out there, get proactive and get hunting. Don't be ashamed of it. Don't be desperate about it - don't overdate like I did - you'll get datelag. But definitely go out there and have some fun with it."

Was making How To Find A Husband a life-changing experience?

"Yes, I think it was. Watch the programme and you'll realise why! It's a fascinating snapshot of dating in the 21st century. I devoured men like that guy in Supersize Me devoured burgers. I was the luckiest girl in the world. Dating all these great guys. I love men and I love meeting new people, so it was the dream project for me."