Rule 1: Assume a suggestive name
It's important to take on an absurd and sexually suggestive name (you needn't change it legally - just lie to future friends and employers). For inspiration, look to such classic Carry On names as Gladstone Screwer, Dr Nookey, Nurse Willing and Sergeant Jock Strapp.

Rule 2: Make a hospital your second home
When the government re-introduced matrons to the NHS a few years ago, it was a clear invitation to live life like it's a Carry On film. So spend as much time as you can strolling around hospital wards in your dressing-gown. If you see a matron coming, look scared and run in the opposite direction.

Rule 3: Take your partner to a nudist camp
Delight your partner with the news that you've booked a surprise holiday, then horrify them by driving to a local nudist camp. Make them feel increasingly awkward by laughing a lot and quite openly ogling the other naturists.

Rule 4: Wear more uniforms
Inappropriate uniforms aren't just for the bedroom - you must take to wearing them outside as much as possible. Medical, military and police uniforms are ideal, although prancing around in a toga will help to massively increase the amount of slapstick in your life.

Rule 5: Attend beauty contests
As with the nudist camps, this works best if you go with your baffled partner in tow. While larger contests like Miss England and Miss Wales will do, it's more advisable to attend smaller, regional pageants - something along the lines of Miss Bognor Regis would be ideal.

Rule 6: Romance inappropriate people
Whether it was Babs Windsor (who was much younger) or Joan Simms (much too prudish) Sid James had an admirable habit of chasing inappropriate or highly unlikely women in the Carry Ons. So fixate on seducing people who are boring or unobtainable. Avoid anyone who seems ideal for you.

Rule 7: Dress in drag
If you're a big hairy bloke, try to dress as a woman as much as possible. Maximise the effect by using frilly bras, corsets and stockings and suspenders. The best place to do this is a hotel, where you can wander the corridors startling the guests.

Rule 8: Outrage feminists
When confronted with a self-declared feminist (or any woman who is unamused by lechery), the standard procedure is to crack a dirty joke, cackle loudly and, if you can, touch their backside. At this point they will probably try to get as far away from you as possible. Follow them.

Rule 9: Go on couples holidays
Gather your couple friends and go on a package holiday together. Spain is the perfect - indeed the only - location for this. Stay at a fairly rundown hotel and ensure your rooms are all next to each other, to maximise the chances of bed-hopping.

Rule 10: Don't have sex
People rarely manage to have sex in the Carry On films. Follow their example by leering and groping as much as you can, but sabotage the sex act itself by falling out of bed, leaving the curtains open so people stare and point, or scurrying out of the bedroom at the critical moment.