Sunny Deelight

Jack Dee once worked as a waiter at the Ritz. Which strikes us as a spectacularly inappropriate occupation for a man with a face like a raincloud. But, while diners probably didn't enjoy being served by the unsmiling human equivalent of Marvin the Paranoid Android, Jack eventually found a more welcoming niche in the world of comedy, becoming everyone's favourite grouchy uncle.

Jack's done just about everything, from winning celeb Big Brother to starring in acclaimed sitcom Lead Balloon. But now we'll see him getting back to basics and doing what he does best. Namely, standing on a stage and whinging a lot. Oh, and graciously giving way to the following very special guests...

Joan Rivers

It's surprising to learn that Joan Rivers is in her 70s. Partly because she's still such an irrepressible wit, but mainly because she's had so much plastic surgery, she could be her own Madame Tussaud's dummy. Not that she'd be offended by the observation – Joan's the proudest nip-tuckee in celeb-land and thinks we should all get some done.

And you'd be a fool to argue with the person who's coined more one liners than Oscar Wilde. This is the woman who described Boy George as "all England needs – another queen who can’t dress." And who once dismissed the notion of exercise by saying "If God had wanted me to bend over, he'd have put diamonds on the floor." Has Jack met his cynical match?

Ardal O'Hanlon

While Jack Dee found success by cultivating the demeanour of an overflowing ashtray, Ardal O'Hanlon took the opposite route and based his career on being unremittingly likeable. As the thick and lovely Dougal (which sounds like a sort of yoghurt drink, put like that), he was integral to the success of Father Ted and became a mascot of 90s alternative comedy.

Mainstream audiences were won over by his befuddled Thermoman in My Hero - a role originally given to former Neighbours star Craig McLaughlan. But what's Ardal like behind a mike? Pretty damn good - he helped found Ireland's first ever comedy club, after all. We kid you not.

Jo Brand

Of all Jack's guests at the Apollo, the one who probably mirrors his own style most closely is Jo Brand. Indeed, we'd pay good money to see the two of them try to "out deadpan" each other, perhaps while sitting on opposite ends of a long, black table. Perhaps not even saying anything at all – just pulling increasingly unamused and scornful faces at each other.

In case you're a bit behind when it comes to Brand knowledge, let's clear some things up. The psychiatric-nurse-turned-comedy-matriarch does not hate men (she thinks they're fine on principle), she's not a lesbian (although she used to be accused of it so much, she started to believe it) and she's not related to Russell Brand, even if he's apparently modelled his hair on hers.

Ross Noble

If you don't know much about Ross Noble, consider that as a child he decided he wanted to be a stuntman and conducted his own training in his back garden – which led to him smashing his shoulder "into smithereens". He takes the same kamikaze approach to stand-up comedy, leaping onto the stage with very little material rehearsed, relying only on his own improvisatory genius.

Which is why, after learning of a lawnmower museum in Stockport, he dedicated his entire gig there to the finer points of grass, soil and Flymos. He'll be off on more flights of fancy at the Apollo, where – among other things – he'll be discussing the pros and cons of gluing meat to your face. Well, someone's got to do it.

Omid Djalili

"The man who puts the fat into fatwa, the fun into fundamentalism and the ham into Hamas" - that's Omid in his own words, and he ain't kidding. The British-Iranian comedian has spent years taking on the most controversial subjects around, from suicide bombings to US-Iranian relations. As he says, "Iran's only exports are pistachio nuts and massive international ill feeling."

It was back in the mid-90s that he came to prominence with his show, Short Fat Kebab Shop Owner's Son. And since then he's been everywhere – from films like The Mummy to Pirates of the Caribbean III, from US sitcoms to his recent British sketch show. Could it be because he's such a rare commodity? After all, to quote the man, he is Iran's only comedian. Which is three more than Germany.