Quotes: Steven Wright
Steven Wright
His mad curly hair is the only thing about US comic Steven Wright with any bounce. Utterly deadpan, he makes Jack Dee look like Benny Hill. And if you don't know the name, you'll know the voice – he's the radio DJ you hear throughout Reservoir Dogs.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.
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How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
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When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
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Join the army. Meet interesting people. Kill them.
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I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
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Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
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It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
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I had some glasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Top 5 most memorable Buzzcocks guests
Some have been funny, some confused and some simply drunk. But all have suffered at the tongue of baby-faced assassin Simon Amstell.
Track-day Trouser Moments
Three magic ingredients for great clips: a track-day, an in-board camera and wannabe racers realising their error could be very costly indeed.
