Quotes: Spike Milligan
Spike Milligan
The cliché of the tortured comic genius was certainly true of Spike Milligan, who saw more breakdowns than the AA. He travelled a bumpy road, but the former Goon also revolutionised British entertainment and became the crotchety grandfather of alternative comedy.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time. Which is just long enough to be President of the United States.
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Well, we can't stand around here doing nothing; people will think we're workmen.
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It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.
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Her mother was a cultivated women. She was born in a greenhouse.
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For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.
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When I look back, the fondest memory I have is not really of the Goons. It's of a girl called Julia with enormous breasts.
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I thought I'd begin by reading a sonnet by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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