Quotes: Shazia Mirza
Shazia Mirza
In Shazia Mirza's hands, everything becomes funny. Even racism. Especially racism. The fearless Muslim comic has shocked and awed her way to the top of the comedy ladder, and – on top of all that – is very likely the hairiest famous woman in Britain today.
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Family members keep trying to set me up with men, but they're always cousins. Or cousins of cousins of cousins. It gets very confusing in Asian circles – if you don't keep track you could end up sleeping with yourself.
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I'm very indignant about all the Poles and Romanians coming over here and stealing our racism. Gatecrashing our racism. What's a black or an Asian got to do to get noticed now?
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The best thing anyone's ever shouted at me? Oi you Paki. Go back to India.
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Wags stand for Wives and Girlfriends of a footballer, but as we all know you can't be a wife and a girlfriend. It should actually be called Wog. Wife Or Girlfriend of a footballer. But I understand this could have racist connotations which could take Liverpool back 5 years.
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Being Asian, I love doing overtime. I don't feel human if I haven't worked a 900-hour week and opened up a couple of new businesses.
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All the women in my family wear the hijab. Which is good because it means they can share the one bus pass.
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Going to Primark is like going on safari. You trudge slowly around looking carefully for something really interesting. Then, as soon as you set eyes on it, you're crushed by a herd of stampeding buffalo.
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My father's name is Mohammed. Which he abbreviates to Bob.
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I used to be a teacher in Tower Hamlets. Now that was teaching. I had to carry a knife to parents' evenings. Which were basically singles' nights.
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Tony Blair was our first metrosexual prime minister. He had enough personality to be gay, yet caused enough atrocities to be straight.
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