Quotes: Russell Brand
Russell Brand
If you crossed Sid James with Lord Byron, Russell Brand would be the foppish, randy result. At once child-like and merrily lecherous, he's the prancing jester of the comedy scene.
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Why in our lifetimes was there a programme called Dogs with Jobs? They used to put it on at 11.30am! I resented a programme called Dogs with Jobs being put on when they knew unemployed people would be watching.
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What about the rumours David Cameron smoked drugs as a schoolboy? What worries me most is that he dressed up as a schoolboy to do it, the pervert.
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If your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps?
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It's no coincidence that monogamy sounds so much like monotony.
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Remember when we dug Saddam up out of that hole? He looked like a Father Christmas who had been sacked from Debenhams for being drunk at work.
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How long is it polite to continue to be interested in what someone says after they reveal they've got a boyfriend?
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On bad chat up lines: Stick around love, cos I've got worse. The worst being, simply, Get in the van.
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I don't like little chip and pin machines. I don't like that they tell you what to do. 'Hand me back to the merchant!' like a bossy toddler.
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On respect for the Queen: When I lick a stamp I always do it with my eyes closed.
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Let's look beyond the divisions of football teams and look at the unifying force within our souls... SEX!
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