Quotes: Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Mark Twain didn't just write classics like Huckleberry Finn. He was also one of the most famous wits of his day: an American Oscar Wilde with the biggest, fattest moustache a man could hope for. We salute his services to cynicism and facial hair.
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When red-haired people are above a certain social grade, their hair is auburn.
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Clothes maketh the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself.
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There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
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I've never killed a man, but I've read many an obituary with a great deal of satisfaction.
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The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
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I have been complimented many times and it always embarrasses me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
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Familiarity breeds contempt — and children.
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Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.
Ray Mears survival tips
Ray Mears spent years and years honing his survival skills in some of the world's harshest landscapes. Because the rest of us would rather go to the pub, we've put together an instant, dummy's guide to the wonderful world of bushcraf
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Some have been funny, some confused and some simply drunk. But all have suffered at the tongue of baby-faced assassin Simon Amstell.
