Quotes: Jimmy Carr
Jimmy Carr
With that big, round, curiously babyish face of his, Jimmy Carr could be Tintin's evil brother. And he certainly lives up to the look with his brand of blunt and cynical humour.
-
Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.
-
Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheroes.
-
When someone close to you dies, move seats.
-
I went to the dog races the other day. It was like Ascot for chavs.
-
I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
-
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
-
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.
-
The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.
-
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
-
When I was a kid, I used to have an imaginary friend. I thought he went everywhere with me. I could talk to him and he could hear me, and he could grant me wishes and stuff too. But then I grew up, and stopped going to church.
-
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.
Track-day Trouser Moments
Three magic ingredients for great clips: a track-day, an in-board camera and wannabe racers realising their error could be very costly indeed.
Ray Mears survival tips
Ray Mears spent years and years honing his survival skills in some of the world's harshest landscapes. Because the rest of us would rather go to the pub, we've put together an instant, dummy's guide to the wonderful world of bushcraf
