Quotes: Jeremy Hardy
Jeremy Hardy
He's a serious political writer as well as a stand-up comic, and Jeremy Hardy often comes across as a mild-mannered intellectual. But don't be fooled – he's the Clark Kent of comedy, able to deploy super-powered zingers at a moment's notice. Certainly we would never dare ask him to kneel before Zod.
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I know all teenagers want a computer of their own, but if they want to lock themselves in their rooms and damage their eyesight for hours on end, they don't need a computer to do it.
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No-one grows up wanting to be a junkie, eat Utterly Butterly or listen to Phil Collins. Capitalism wears you down.
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On the gay clergy controversy: What is the point in being a clergyman if you're not gay? It's really just for those gay men who are too plain to be airline stewards. And Communion is just drinks and snacks - the only thing missing is the trolley.
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As an Anglican, you don't lose your faith - you just can't remember where you left it.
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Why is it called a Brazilian when it looks more like Chile?
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All Socialists have bad backs because we slouch. We sit hunched, arms crossed, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown.
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A common misconception of me is that I'm very grumpy. I'm only quite grumpy. I am very forgiving in a vengeful way.
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My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her: You're eleven, make your own.
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I used to have difficulty in the sack. You know, in bringing another person to the point of orgasm. Largely because I was always alone.
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Marriage is like the witness protection program: you get new clothes, you live in the suburbs and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.
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