Quotes: Jack Dee
Jack Dee
It's no wonder Jack Dee's a national treasure - he's got a face as bleary and grim as your average patch of British sky. Yes, he constantly wears the expression of a man who's accidentally poured curdled milk over his Coco Pops, but that's just the way we like him.
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I had a wet dream about you last night. I dreamt you got hit by a bus, and I pissed myself laughing.
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The rainforest has Sting. Now Siberia has Jack Dee. Someone had to draw the short straw. In this case it was the rainforest.
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I love the way garages leave black buckets outside for your dead flowers.
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In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.
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Unlike European mustards that bring out the subtle flavours of food, English mustard makes your nose bleed.
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The film industry is like Anne Robinson. Always on the lookout for a new face.
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I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs. Like custom officers.
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I wish they'd stop improving car washes. They just keep adding to the choice on that menu. The super valet, super foam valet, super wax valet. When all you want is a button that says: Get this sh*t off my bonnet.
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I was gonna get a BMW and rang my dad who knows a bit about cars. He said, 'You can't get a German car after what your granddad went through in the war.' Now I didn't know about this but apparently, during the Second World War, my granddad had a succession of very unreliable German cars.
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One of my friends went on a murder weekend. Now he's doing life for it.
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