Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

Sweater: A garment worn by a child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Apologise: To lay the foundation for a future offence.

Day: A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.

Telephone: An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Circus: A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

Custard: A vile concoction produced by the malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.

Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.