Too Posh
Most of their friends are dead, but that doesn't stop them chatting nonsensically about naked ladies, butlers, peers, piers, winkies and tiddles, the three wise men, war comics, Eddie Vedder (or is it a sheep?), Marc Walnut from Soft Celery, Mickey Mao Tse-Tung and Eazy E - with liberal application of the phrases "jolly good" and "oh, I say". They get occasional visits from Spermcount the Butler (ex-Butler to Lord Sophie Ellis Bextor) and Furious Old Woman from next door, who is often crushed by such things as elephants or blancmanges falling from the sky. Then the Two Posh Old Men fall fast asleep in their comfy armchairs.

Posh Ted
Posh Ted is the retired stand-up comedian who can never remember which punch lines go with which joke. He claims he would have been bored as a lad by naked aristocratic young ladies, but is not gay and is reasonably sure he was married for 54 years. He got his life confused with an advert for wafers one day, would have liked to witnessed the birth of Christ (and the crucifixion), is excited by the use of WMD for peacekeeping and was called dicknose at school.

Posh Shaznay
His moustache is impossibly bushy and he can't touch his own toes, but he knows a lot about ancient chocolate, has a soft spot for Fern Britton and had four wives (not all at the same time). He wanted to be a sniper when he grew up, took drugs but he didn't exhale and feels strongly that it can't be easy being a deaf gorilla.

Big Howard
According to his website, Howard Read is "a stand-up comic, writer and animator. He also draws pictures and sings." Though we can't vouch for his singing voice, his work in the other areas is top-notch. As a stand-up comic he has earned rave reviews, been nominated for the Perrier Award and taken his show on the road to such exotic places as the US, Australia and Sweden. He's appeared on The Tonight Show and created animations for illustrious broadcasters such as the BBC, UKTV (that's us!) and Paramount Comedy Channel. His work has critics tripping over their tongues to dole out praise such as "one of the finest comedy talents in the UK" and "I defy you not to be helplessly charmed". But mostly he just makes funny drawings troublesome cows and Jabba the Hut on a skateboard.

Little Howard and friends
Little Howard is slightly more famous than his 3D counterpart, despite not having ears or a nose and being two dimensional. Since he's six years old, he was once allowed to present The News at Six, and gave an insightful look into the lives of Plasticine's Yassy Arafat and his arch nemesis, Bum-Face Sharon. He's often joined by his friends such as Ziggy the Rifel Squid (guns ablazing), Chalkie the Lemon Horse (distributing lemons worldwide), Ptomek the Wonga-Shitting Panda (help for the debt-ridden) and H-bot 2000 the Funny Robot from the Future (specialising in extreme sycophancy).

Find out more:

TPOM online

Little Howard's site

Howard Read animation