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Win a case of Old Speckled Hen
To celebrate the return of Argumental on Dave, we've got a case of "Old Speckled Hen" for 15 lucky winners.
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Quite interesting quizzes
We've got a QI quiz for every letter of the alphabet. Well, we do if the alphabet only consisted of the letters A-F.
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Men Behaving Badly - Thursdays at 9:40pm
Take a beer or curry quiz and watch some videos that would tickle the lads.
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Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Enjoy our Top 5 most memorable Buzzcocks guests, the Simon Amstell vs Mark Lamarr debate and profiles of the Buzzcocks hosts.
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Let Word War III commence
Argumental Outtakes!
Want more Argumental do you? Well, we'll do any thing to make you happy! Just click on the play button for the outakes from the latest episode! Or on the link below from more from Argumental.
Blur Quiz
Are you a Blur fanatic or did you only buy Parklife because you like photos of greyhounds?
Rufus Hound's Argumental blog
To recap, that's TWO series wins to me. Brigstocke, if you're reading this – and I know you are – in your face, you big posh loser!
Dara O'Briain's exclusive blog
Not only is he a star of Mock the Week and Argumental he's also our official comedy blogger. In this series of exclusive articles Dara reveals some of the secrets behind his shows.
Read moreQuizzes
Top 10 times they got it wrong on QI
It's our sad duty to report that even QI, the receptacle of all things wise and witty, sometimes goes a bit wonky.
Quotes
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I thought I'd begin by reading a sonnet by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
- Spike Milligan
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I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.
- Steven Wright
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On satellite TV: I watch hours on end of the History Channel and Discovery Channel. Just back and forth, History Channel and Discovery Channel. Ask me anything about sharks and Nazis. Not as bad as a lot of people make out, actually. Sharks I mean, not Nazis. Sharks, brilliant. Nazis, rubbish.
- Ricky Gervais
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
- Spike Milligan
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My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her: You're eleven, make your own.
- Jeremy Hardy
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I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?
- Frankie Boyle
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A common misconception of me is that I'm very grumpy. I'm only quite grumpy. I am very forgiving in a vengeful way.
- Jeremy Hardy
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Sexual harassment at work. Is it a problem for the self-employed?
- Victoria Wood
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It's a rum state of affairs when you feel like punching a jar of mayonnaise in the face.
- Charlie Brooker
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My body is falling so fast my gynaecologist wears a hard hat.
- Joan Rivers
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me I've got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.
- Charlie Brooker
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On the Bible: Some of the things do sound a little bit far fetched. But then I found that the other name for the Bible is the Gospel. So it's all true. Clue's in the title.
- Ricky Gervais
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Nostalgia is heroin for old people.
- Dara O'Briain
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All the women in my family wear the hijab. Which is good because it means they can share the one bus pass.
- Shazia Mirza
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It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.
- Frankie Boyle
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Irresponsible TV ads. Like one that goes, 'Hit me at 30 miles an hour, and there's an 80% chance I'll live.' Encouraging gambling! I mean, I like those odds, but...
- Ricky Gervais
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On getting mugged: I carry around months and months of receipts. I need a mugger who can file my VAT returns.
- Dara O'Briain
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx
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The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
- PG Wodehouse
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I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
- Steven Wright
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How long is it polite to continue to be interested in what someone says after they reveal they've got a boyfriend?
- Russell Brand
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I went to the dog races the other day. It was like Ascot for chavs.
- Jimmy Carr
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
- Joan Rivers
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How do you know it’s time to wash the dishes? Look inside your pants. If you find a penis in there, it’s not time.
- Jo Brand
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When you say to a child, 'It's bedtime', what the child hears is: Go and lie down in the dark. For hours. I'm locking the door now.
- Dylan Moran
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself.
- Mark Twain
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Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.
- Terry Pratchett
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The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.
- Bill Bailey
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The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- Mark Twain
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On baking a cake: Cream six ounces of butter and caster sugar. Break three eggs and fold into mixture, add six ounces of flour, spoon into cake tins and cook at gas mark five. After 25 minutes remove from oven, pour on three glasses of brandy and add some cream. Add some more cream. Add some more cream. Serve with custard, ice cream and no friends.
- Jo Brand
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They say men can never experience the pain of childbirth. But they can, if you hit them in the goolies with a cricket bat for 14 hours.
- Jo Brand
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It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
- Steven Wright
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On Ross Kemp: The moment Kemp walks onscreen he enters into a demented staring competition with everyone else in the room, including the viewers at home. He could out-stare a man with two glass eyes.
- Charlie Brooker
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When I look back, the fondest memory I have is not really of the Goons. It's of a girl called Julia with enormous breasts.
- Spike Milligan
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Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting.
- PG Wodehouse
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Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.
- Noel Coward
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What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight.
- Dylan Moran
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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, then editing it so it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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Television is for appearing on, not looking at.
- Noel Coward
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British ferries have stopped transporting live animals to the Continent. This has made it very difficult for England fans to get to Away matches.
- Jo Brand
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!!
- Bill Bailey
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I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.
- Dylan Moran
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I was not a particularly small child. I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity.
- Jo Brand
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
- Douglas Adams
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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- Peter Kay
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
- WC Fields
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What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?
- Billy Connolly
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A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020.
- Rich Hall
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
- Ambrose Bierce
