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Argumental
Dave's very own comedy debating mash-up returns for an all-new and exclusive series every Tuesday at 10.20pm. Watch a sneak peek right now.
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Never Mind The Buzzcocks
Catch Buzzcocks every Wednesday at 9pm, read about the Top 10 Buzzcocks guests and take a music quiz right here.
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QI Quizzes
We've got bloody loads of QI quizzes, one for every letter of the alphabet in fact. Well, we do if the alphabet only consisted of the letters A-F. Couldn't be arsed with the rest. Too many letters.
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Men Behaving Badly
If any series was made for Dave it’s Men Behaving Badly – the classic 1990s series that became a huge ratings hit. Mondays at 9:40pm from 8th February.
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Have I Got News For You.
Paul Merton, returns with the cherub-faced Ian Hislop and the ever changing cannon of HIGNFY hosts, Fridays at 9pm.
Rufus Hound's Argumental blog
Considering that I wrote the final blog of the last series this one by rights should be coming to you from the gold-plated, ivory-shafted quill of Marcus Brigstocke...
Argumental video clips
Watch exclusive outtakes and highlights from episode 1 and a taste of what's coming up later in the series.
Read moreQuizzes
An interview with Paul McCartney
Sir Paul shares some of his memories of the stories behind some of The Beatles' most famous songs.
Quotes
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My mother never breast fed me. She said she only liked me as a friend.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.
- Frankie Boyle
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
- Ambrose Bierce
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True friends stab you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.
- Jimmy Carr
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I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.
- Woody Allen
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The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
- PG Wodehouse
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Getting a movie made in Hollywood is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people coming into the room and breathing on it.
- Douglas Adams
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Have you ever watched footage of the destruction caused by hurricanes in America? When a big wind sweeps across America, there isn't a building left standing. And you can't help thinking: the Southern states of America must have been built by the first two little piggies.
- Dara O'Briain
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On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.
- Frankie Boyle
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If we were truly created by God, why do we occasionally bite the insides of our mouths?
- Dara O'Briain
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I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
- Paul Merton
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On a car he didn't like very much: There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it. Including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
- Douglas Adams
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
- Spike Milligan
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I live in a kind of gay bubble. I live in a gay house, I drive a gay car. I eat gay food.
- Julian Clary
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I don't like little chip and pin machines. I don't like that they tell you what to do. 'Hand me back to the merchant!' like a bossy toddler.
- Russell Brand
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You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks? I swear now, you never get used to that.
- Peter Kay
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I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
- Peter Kay
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On the Empire: We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Sail halfway around the world, stick a flag in. I claim India for Britain. And they're going: You can't claim us. We live here. There's five hundred million of us. Ah, but do you have a flag? We don't need a flag, this is our country you bastard.
- Eddie Izzard
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam.
- George Carlin
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There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that night time look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?
- Eddie Izzard
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Day: A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
- Ambrose Bierce
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One of my friends went on a murder weekend. Now he's doing life for it.
- Jack Dee
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I drink therefore I am.
- WC Fields
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On the Bible: Some of the things do sound a little bit far fetched. But then I found that the other name for the Bible is the Gospel. So it's all true. Clue's in the title.
- Ricky Gervais
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On talent shows: A bit like watching a programme in which children queue up to be punched in the face by Father Christmas. Absolutely riveting for all the wrong reasons.
- Charlie Brooker
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All these programmes on telly about women being domestic goddesses are just not true, are they? I’d like to have a programme that truly represented how women approach the housework. And if I did, it would be called, 'F*ck it, that’ll do.'
- Jo Brand
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
- Joan Rivers
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It's no coincidence that monogamy sounds so much like monotony.
- Russell Brand
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Clothes maketh the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
- Mark Twain
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I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped but I've been driving that Peugeot for years.
- Victoria Wood
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You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
- Winston Churchill
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I went to the doctor with a steering wheel down my underpants. He said, 'What's happened?' I said, 'I dunno, but it's driving me nuts.'
- Peter Kay
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I know all teenagers want a computer of their own, but if they want to lock themselves in their rooms and damage their eyesight for hours on end, they don't need a computer to do it.
- Jeremy Hardy
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Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.
- Ambrose Bierce
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I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
- Tim Vine
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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
- Billy Connolly
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To an American audience: I'm from a little place called England. We used to run the world before you.
- Ricky Gervais
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I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
- Dorothy Parker
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I think Iran and Iraq had a war simply because their names are so similar. They keep getting each other's post.
- Paul Merton
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I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
- Jimmy Carr
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Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
- Steven Wright
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On American pronunciation: You say erbs and we say herbs. Because, you know, there's an H in it.
- Eddie Izzard
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
- Peter Kay
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On West London: Rough and ready, so it's hardly surprising that Australian backpackers flock there. Best avoided unless you want to get drunk on cheap drinks and have sex in the toilets. I go about four times a week.
- Julian Clary
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They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.
- Frankie Boyle
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They say men can never experience the pain of childbirth. But they can, if you hit them in the goolies with a cricket bat for 14 hours.
- Jo Brand
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Custard: A vile concoction produced by the malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.
- Ambrose Bierce
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On dolphins: Never trust a species that grins all the time. It's up to something.
- Terry Pratchett
