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Dara's homework puzzle
Four balls with different football teams written on them are placed in a hat...
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Dara's School of Hard Sums
Marcus Brigstocke and Andrew Maxwell join Dara in next week's episode, Wed at 8pm. Watch a teaser.
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Ultimate Suits Season 2 quiz
Another season of Suits is over, but how closely were you watching?
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Alex Horne Breaks the News
Dave has a brand new comedy podcast - download some witty banter straight into your ears now.
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Dara's extra-tricky mind-twisters
Ready to move up a class and take on these tougher teasers?
Best Ever Blackadder
A cunning plan for May Bank Holiday Sunday.
Behind the scenes of Hard Sums
We spoke to Marcus du Sautoy to find out how the show is made.
Alex Horne Breaks the News
Dave is proud to present a brand new podcast hosted by Alex Horne with guests including Dan Antopolski, Rob Beckett and Tony Law.
Dara's homework puzzles and brainteasers
Fancy yourself as a bit of a brainiac? Wrap your grey stuff around these...
Quizzes
Ten Top Gear Commandments for proper petrolheads
Ok, so you've done the sensible thing and tuned in religiously, but that's no guarantee you're a real petrolhead...
Quotes
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I told my son about the birds and the bees. He told me about the butcher and my wife.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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This is the most unreliable car ever made. In fact, if you've got a more unreliable one, write to us at: Actually I've Got a Peugeot, BBC Top Gear, London...
- Jeremy Clarkson
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Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
- Oscar Wilde
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said: Get the hell off my property.
- Joan Rivers
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Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.
- Stephen Fry
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All Socialists have bad backs because we slouch. We sit hunched, arms crossed, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown.
- Jeremy Hardy
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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
- Bill Bailey
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When I was younger I made it a rule never to take a drink before lunch. It is now my rule never to do so before breakfast.
- Winston Churchill
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It's a rum state of affairs when you feel like punching a jar of mayonnaise in the face.
- Charlie Brooker
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In the course of my life I've often had to eat my words, and I must confess I've always found it a wholesome diet.
- Winston Churchill
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I don't need you to remind me of my age, I have a bladder to do that for me.
- Stephen Fry
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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions. The curtain was up.
- Groucho Marx
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Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
- Dorothy Parker
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Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.
- Jimmy Carr
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I think animal testing is cruel. They get all nervous and give silly answers.
- Stephen Fry
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On Stephen Hawking: He's not a genius, he's pretentious. Born in Kent and talks with an American accent!
- Ricky Gervais
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Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
- Steven Wright
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I think Iran and Iraq had a war simply because their names are so similar. They keep getting each other's post.
- Paul Merton
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I wanted to be John Cleese and it took some time to realise the job was, in fact, taken.
- Douglas Adams
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On the Reformation: Henry VIII went up to the Pope and said: Mr Pope I'm gonna marry my first wife, then I'm gonna divorce her. Second wife, I'm gonna kill her. Cut her head off. Third wife, gonna shoot her. Fourth wife, put her in a bag. Fifth wife, into outer space. Sixth wife, on a rotissamat. Seventh wife, made out of jam.... and the Pope is saying: What have you been reading? The gospel according to St. Bastard?
- Eddie Izzard
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I don't have hobbies, hobbies cost money. Interests, on the other hand, are quite free.
- George Carlin
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There are three states of legality in Irish law. There is all this stuff which comes under That's grand, then it moves into Ah now don't push it, and finally it comes under Right now you're takin the piss, and that's when the police come in.
- Dara O'Briain
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When asked to come up with a sentence with the word horticulture in it: You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
- Dorothy Parker
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
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On cooking: Nobody has the time. You come in from work and, if you're getting very adventurous, you think 'Tonight we will eat something that has two colours in it.' But you don't. You end up eating bread from the bag, dipping it in anything runnier than bread.
- Dylan Moran
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Her mother was a cultivated women. She was born in a greenhouse.
- Spike Milligan
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The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill
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I know all teenagers want a computer of their own, but if they want to lock themselves in their rooms and damage their eyesight for hours on end, they don't need a computer to do it.
- Jeremy Hardy
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In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
- Douglas Adams
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I met this gangster who pulls up people's pants. Name's Wedgie Kray.
- Tim Vine
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On bad chat up lines: Stick around love, cos I've got worse. The worst being, simply, Get in the van.
- Russell Brand
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On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.
- Frankie Boyle
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They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.
- Frankie Boyle
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The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.
- Bill Bailey
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To a writer he knew: From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
- Groucho Marx
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On airline food: Anything white is sweet, anything brown is meat, anything grey - don't eat.
- Stephen Fry
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I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.
- Eddie Izzard
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To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness.
- Oscar Wilde
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
- WC Fields
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I don't do enough for charity. I do it a bit, you could always do more, but I look at it like this... it's a pain, isn't it?
- Ricky Gervais
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I'd like to have joined the army, but had to make do with being a renowned homosexual instead.
- Julian Clary
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What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.
- Groucho Marx
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It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
- Steven Wright
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On always being late for meetings: I am a sporting man. I always like to give trains and planes a fair chance of getting away.
- Winston Churchill
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On his body: A temple and popular place of worship. Entry is free, although a small deposit before departure is greatly appreciated.
- Julian Clary
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Joan Rivers
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On Ross Kemp: The moment Kemp walks onscreen he enters into a demented staring competition with everyone else in the room, including the viewers at home. He could out-stare a man with two glass eyes.
- Charlie Brooker
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What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight.
- Dylan Moran
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If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
- WC Fields
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I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
- Woody Allen
