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Win a case of Old Speckled Hen
To celebrate the return of Argumental on Dave, we've got a case of "Old Speckled Hen" for 15 lucky winners.
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Quite interesting quizzes
We've got a QI quiz for every letter of the alphabet. Well, we do if the alphabet only consisted of the letters A-F.
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Men Behaving Badly - Thursdays at 9:40pm
Take a beer or curry quiz and watch some videos that would tickle the lads.
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Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Enjoy our Top 5 most memorable Buzzcocks guests, the Simon Amstell vs Mark Lamarr debate and profiles of the Buzzcocks hosts.
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Let Word War III commence
Argumental Outtakes!
Want more Argumental do you? Well, we'll do any thing to make you happy! Just click on the play button for the outakes from the latest episode! Or on the link below from more from Argumental.
Blur Quiz
Are you a Blur fanatic or did you only buy Parklife because you like photos of greyhounds?
Rufus Hound's Argumental blog
To recap, that's TWO series wins to me. Brigstocke, if you're reading this – and I know you are – in your face, you big posh loser!
Dara O'Briain's exclusive blog
Not only is he a star of Mock the Week and Argumental he's also our official comedy blogger. In this series of exclusive articles Dara reveals some of the secrets behind his shows.
Read moreQuizzes
Top 10 times they got it wrong on QI
It's our sad duty to report that even QI, the receptacle of all things wise and witty, sometimes goes a bit wonky.
Quotes
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Used to be, a crazy person would walk around talking to themselves, muttering words like 'Pancakes, pancakes, love em love love em, yes, yes, big hot buttery pancakes.' So you'd cross the street, right, to get away from the pancake nut. But nowadays they're probably just talking into a phone. They're probably the president of a major pancake corporation.
- Rich Hall
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I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
- PG Wodehouse
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On trying to explain the Milky Bar Kid to Americans: In the case of a Wild West conflict, the surest path to peace is to send in an albino child with chocolate.
- Dara O'Briain
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Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.
- Terry Pratchett
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Join the army. Meet interesting people. Kill them.
- Steven Wright
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I'm English and, as such, I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
- Bill Bailey
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I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?
- Tim Vine
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On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: Do you mind if I mug you here?
- Paul Merton
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I'd always thought her half-baked, but now I think they didn't even put her in the oven.
- PG Wodehouse
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His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools — the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans — and summed up all three of them in his phrase: You can't trust any bugger further you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.
- Terry Pratchett
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If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
- Peter Kay
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Snakes. They're like bits of rope, only angrier.
- Charlie Brooker
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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One of my friends went on a murder weekend. Now he's doing life for it.
- Jack Dee
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I love the way garages leave black buckets outside for your dead flowers.
- Jack Dee
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I know all teenagers want a computer of their own, but if they want to lock themselves in their rooms and damage their eyesight for hours on end, they don't need a computer to do it.
- Jeremy Hardy
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Am I the only one who's always tempted to light the wick on top of a beret?
- Paul Merton
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The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- WC Fields
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At the age of 11 or thereabouts, women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he's lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in his late 70s.
- PG Wodehouse
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In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.
- Jack Dee
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I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
- Paul Merton
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On pears: They're ripe for half an hour, and you're never there. They're like a rock or they're mush. You think, I'll take them home and they'll ripen up. But you put them in the bowl at home, and they sit there going: No! No! Don't ripen yet, don't ripen yet. Wait til he goes out the room. Now ripen! Now now now!
- Eddie Izzard
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My school days were the happiest days of my life, which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.
- Paul Merton
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I was not a particularly small child. I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity.
- Jo Brand
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Marriage isn't a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse.
- PG Wodehouse
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Nostalgia is heroin for old people.
- Dara O'Briain
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By 2030 there'll be no fish in the sea, according to a CNN report. I blame Comic Relief for that slogan they came up with. Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give him a fishing rod, and... he'll go mental won't he? Greedy bastard.
- Ricky Gervais
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Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting.
- PG Wodehouse
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Day: A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
- Ambrose Bierce
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If you can play a guitar and harmonica at the same time, like Bob Dylan or Neil Young, you're a genius. But make that extra bit of effort and strap some cymbals to your knees, suddenly people want to get the hell away from you.
- Rich Hall
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.
- Tim Vine
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When you say to a child, 'It's bedtime', what the child hears is: Go and lie down in the dark. For hours. I'm locking the door now.
- Dylan Moran
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I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped but I've been driving that Peugeot for years.
- Victoria Wood
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On her lack of exercise: I went along to the GP and said, 'I’m really worried, is there anything I can actually do?' He said, 'Don’t panic. Just do something a couple of times a week that gets you slightly out of breath.' So I started smoking again, and it’s really done the trick.
- Jo Brand
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It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.
- Frankie Boyle
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Britain should be in the driving seat of Europe. In the driving seat, or in the passenger seat. That's good, cos then you can take a sleep.
- Eddie Izzard
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The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
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A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
- Oscar Wilde
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
- WC Fields
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This is the most unreliable car ever made. In fact, if you've got a more unreliable one, write to us at: Actually I've Got a Peugeot, BBC Top Gear, London…
- Jeremy Clarkson
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen
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How do you know it’s time to wash the dishes? Look inside your pants. If you find a penis in there, it’s not time.
- Jo Brand
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Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.
- Frankie Boyle
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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
- Bill Bailey
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I discovered I was on the shortlist for Greatest Living Britain. Greatest living Britain? I wanted to bring Isaac Newton down a peg or two. What's he done since gravity? I followed up The Office with Extras.
- Ricky Gervais
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
- Groucho Marx
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say: Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.
- Joan Rivers
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No-one grows up wanting to be a junkie, eat Utterly Butterly or listen to Phil Collins. Capitalism wears you down.
- Jeremy Hardy
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Getting a movie made in Hollywood is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people coming into the room and breathing on it.
- Douglas Adams
