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Win a case of Old Speckled Hen
To celebrate the return of Argumental on Dave, we've got a case of "Old Speckled Hen" for 15 lucky winners.
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Quite interesting quizzes
We've got a QI quiz for every letter of the alphabet. Well, we do if the alphabet only consisted of the letters A-F.
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Men Behaving Badly - Thursdays at 9:40pm
Take a beer or curry quiz and watch some videos that would tickle the lads.
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Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Enjoy our Top 5 most memorable Buzzcocks guests, the Simon Amstell vs Mark Lamarr debate and profiles of the Buzzcocks hosts.
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Let Word War III commence
Argumental Outtakes!
Want more Argumental do you? Well, we'll do any thing to make you happy! Just click on the play button for the outakes from the latest episode! Or on the link below from more from Argumental.
Blur Quiz
Are you a Blur fanatic or did you only buy Parklife because you like photos of greyhounds?
Rufus Hound's Argumental blog
To recap, that's TWO series wins to me. Brigstocke, if you're reading this – and I know you are – in your face, you big posh loser!
Dara O'Briain's exclusive blog
Not only is he a star of Mock the Week and Argumental he's also our official comedy blogger. In this series of exclusive articles Dara reveals some of the secrets behind his shows.
Read moreQuizzes
Top 10 times they got it wrong on QI
It's our sad duty to report that even QI, the receptacle of all things wise and witty, sometimes goes a bit wonky.
Quotes
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
- George Carlin
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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
- Douglas Adams
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I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.
- Steven Wright
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Nostalgia is heroin for old people.
- Dara O'Briain
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
- Peter Kay
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On former Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald: A sheep in sheep's clothing.
- Winston Churchill
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I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it?
- Tim Vine
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I'm afraid I was very much the traditionalist. I went down on one knee and dictated a proposal which my secretary faxed over straight away.
- Stephen Fry
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Joan Rivers
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Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
- Ambrose Bierce
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It's silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the south for longer than five minutes, they will try to sell you fruit.
- Paul Merton
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
- Jimmy Carr
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It's a rum state of affairs when you feel like punching a jar of mayonnaise in the face.
- Charlie Brooker
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I come from Montana, which is very flat. Wonderfully flat. You can watch your dog run away for three days.
- Rich Hall
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Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
- Ambrose Bierce
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On satellite TV: I watch hours on end of the History Channel and Discovery Channel. Just back and forth, History Channel and Discovery Channel. Ask me anything about sharks and Nazis. Not as bad as a lot of people make out, actually. Sharks I mean, not Nazis. Sharks, brilliant. Nazis, rubbish.
- Ricky Gervais
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On Stephen Hawking: He's not a genius, he's pretentious. Born in Kent and talks with an American accent!
- Ricky Gervais
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The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable.
- Oscar Wilde
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On West London: Rough and ready, so it's hardly surprising that Australian backpackers flock there. Best avoided unless you want to get drunk on cheap drinks and have sex in the toilets. I go about four times a week.
- Julian Clary
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Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
- Peter Kay
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Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
- George Carlin
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I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.
- Noel Coward
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On former Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin: I wish Baldwin no ill, but it would have been much better if he had never lived.
- Winston Churchill
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On motor homes: I'm really only happy when I'm bent double in a small space washing my hair in recycled urine.
- Julian Clary
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So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'
- Tim Vine
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I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
- Steven Wright
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Sweater: A garment worn by a child when its mother is feeling chilly.
- Ambrose Bierce
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On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.
- Billy Connolly
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I'm English and, as such, I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
- Bill Bailey
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Join the army. Meet interesting people. Kill them.
- Steven Wright
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On baking a cake: Cream six ounces of butter and caster sugar. Break three eggs and fold into mixture, add six ounces of flour, spoon into cake tins and cook at gas mark five. After 25 minutes remove from oven, pour on three glasses of brandy and add some cream. Add some more cream. Add some more cream. Serve with custard, ice cream and no friends.
- Jo Brand
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Apparently they're going to bring in Super Asbos. But Asbos already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them Gaybos or Bender Badges.
- Frankie Boyle
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Death Before Dishonour. Exactly how much dishonour are we talking about here? Because I could handle quite a lot.
- Dylan Moran
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When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.
- Steven Wright
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This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.
- Dorothy Parker
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Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.
- Frankie Boyle
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On organ donation: There are a couple of conditions. Whoever takes my kidneys must also take my face. And my name as well. And they can kiss goodbye to man-made fibres, watching films with Tom Hanks in, and heterosexual sex.
- Julian Clary
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When I look back, the fondest memory I have is not really of the Goons. It's of a girl called Julia with enormous breasts.
- Spike Milligan
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This is the first time in my lifetime that Irish people are able to go: 'What? You're going to England? It's full of terrorists. Come to Ireland. We've no terrorists at all. They're all playwrights now.'
- Dara O'Briain
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam.
- George Carlin
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His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools — the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans — and summed up all three of them in his phrase: You can't trust any bugger further you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.
- Terry Pratchett
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I don't do enough for charity. I do it a bit, you could always do more, but I look at it like this... it's a pain, isn't it?
- Ricky Gervais
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I was gonna get a BMW and rang my dad who knows a bit about cars. He said, 'You can't get a German car after what your granddad went through in the war.' Now I didn't know about this but apparently, during the Second World War, my granddad had a succession of very unreliable German cars.
- Jack Dee
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Sexual harassment at work. Is it a problem for the self-employed?
- Victoria Wood
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I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
- Dorothy Parker
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Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
- Woody Allen
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Now the country is in a terrible state and you've blamed it on a number of things - unemployment rate, the value of the pound, and all that. It's actually because the national anthem is boring.
- Billy Connolly
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Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
- Oscar Wilde
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Those are my principles, and if you don't like them… Well, I have others.
- Groucho Marx
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I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs. Like custom officers.
- Jack Dee
