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Win a case of Old Speckled Hen
To celebrate the return of Argumental on Dave, we've got a case of "Old Speckled Hen" for 15 lucky winners.
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Quite interesting quizzes
We've got a QI quiz for every letter of the alphabet. Well, we do if the alphabet only consisted of the letters A-F.
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Men Behaving Badly - Thursdays at 9:40pm
Take a beer or curry quiz and watch some videos that would tickle the lads.
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Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Enjoy our Top 5 most memorable Buzzcocks guests, the Simon Amstell vs Mark Lamarr debate and profiles of the Buzzcocks hosts.
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Let Word War III commence
Argumental Outtakes!
Want more Argumental do you? Well, we'll do any thing to make you happy! Just click on the play button for the outakes from the latest episode! Or on the link below from more from Argumental.
Blur Quiz
Are you a Blur fanatic or did you only buy Parklife because you like photos of greyhounds?
Rufus Hound's Argumental blog
To recap, that's TWO series wins to me. Brigstocke, if you're reading this – and I know you are – in your face, you big posh loser!
Dara O'Briain's exclusive blog
Not only is he a star of Mock the Week and Argumental he's also our official comedy blogger. In this series of exclusive articles Dara reveals some of the secrets behind his shows.
Read moreQuizzes
Top 10 times they got it wrong on QI
It's our sad duty to report that even QI, the receptacle of all things wise and witty, sometimes goes a bit wonky.
Quotes
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Pratchett's guide to mushrooms: 1. All fungi are edible. 2. Some fungi are not edible more than once.
- Terry Pratchett
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I discovered I was on the shortlist for Greatest Living Britain. Greatest living Britain? I wanted to bring Isaac Newton down a peg or two. What's he done since gravity? I followed up The Office with Extras.
- Ricky Gervais
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Used to be, a crazy person would walk around talking to themselves, muttering words like 'Pancakes, pancakes, love em love love em, yes, yes, big hot buttery pancakes.' So you'd cross the street, right, to get away from the pancake nut. But nowadays they're probably just talking into a phone. They're probably the president of a major pancake corporation.
- Rich Hall
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Remember when we dug Saddam up out of that hole? He looked like a Father Christmas who had been sacked from Debenhams for being drunk at work.
- Russell Brand
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No-one grows up wanting to be a junkie, eat Utterly Butterly or listen to Phil Collins. Capitalism wears you down.
- Jeremy Hardy
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If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
- Jo Brand
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On trying to explain the Milky Bar Kid to Americans: In the case of a Wild West conflict, the surest path to peace is to send in an albino child with chocolate.
- Dara O'Briain
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Britain should be in the driving seat of Europe. In the driving seat, or in the passenger seat. That's good, cos then you can take a sleep.
- Eddie Izzard
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx
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When someone close to you dies, move seats.
- Jimmy Carr
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
- Steven Wright
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If we were truly created by God, why do we occasionally bite the insides of our mouths?
- Dara O'Briain
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
- George Carlin
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The higher the buildings, the lower the morals.
- Noel Coward
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I really drink way too much. The last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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I wish they'd stop improving car washes. They just keep adding to the choice on that menu. The super valet, super foam valet, super wax valet. When all you want is a button that says: Get this sh*t off my bonnet.
- Jack Dee
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They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.
- Frankie Boyle
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America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
- Oscar Wilde
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About Angus Deayton: His name is Angus. The G is silent.
- Paul Merton
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People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.
- Noel Coward
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Noel Coward
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On baking a cake: Cream six ounces of butter and caster sugar. Break three eggs and fold into mixture, add six ounces of flour, spoon into cake tins and cook at gas mark five. After 25 minutes remove from oven, pour on three glasses of brandy and add some cream. Add some more cream. Add some more cream. Serve with custard, ice cream and no friends.
- Jo Brand
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The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Joan Rivers
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I come from Montana, which is very flat. Wonderfully flat. You can watch your dog run away for three days.
- Rich Hall
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
- Spike Milligan
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On David Cameron being sneezed on: This is what happens in this country. In America they assassinate people; here we just wipe snot on their backs. Fundamentally we're better people.
- Paul Merton
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On West London: Rough and ready, so it's hardly surprising that Australian backpackers flock there. Best avoided unless you want to get drunk on cheap drinks and have sex in the toilets. I go about four times a week.
- Julian Clary
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If it's not one thing, it's your mother.
- Peter Kay
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
- Spike Milligan
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TV cop Inspector Lynley seems to have taken the traditional British principle of keeping a 'stiff upper lip' and applied it to his entire head. He probably maintains the same rigid appearance at the point of orgasm, though it's as hard to envisage Lynley reaching climax as it is to picture, say, Peter Sissons in a similar situation.
- Charlie Brooker
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I went to the doctor with a steering wheel down my underpants. He said, 'What's happened?' I said, 'I dunno, but it's driving me nuts.'
- Peter Kay
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I don't need you to remind me of my age, I have a bladder to do that for me.
- Stephen Fry
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I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.
- Woody Allen
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British ferries have stopped transporting live animals to the Continent. This has made it very difficult for England fans to get to Away matches.
- Jo Brand
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If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
- WC Fields
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Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.
- Ambrose Bierce
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
- Ambrose Bierce
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I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
- Victoria Wood
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself.
- Mark Twain
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On America: It's like the really bad flatmate of the world. Oh gee, sorry, did I break all your stuff? I didn't know it was yours. I'll replace it next week.
- Dylan Moran
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen
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If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people in the world?
- Stephen Fry
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
- Tim Vine
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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
- Groucho Marx
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On American pronunciation: You say erbs and we say herbs. Because, you know, there's an H in it.
- Eddie Izzard
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Book dedication: To my daughter Leonora without whose never-failing sympathy and encouragement this book would have been finished in half the time.
- PG Wodehouse
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He looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'when'.
- PG Wodehouse
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On former Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald: A sheep in sheep's clothing.
- Winston Churchill
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I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.
- Noel Coward
