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Argumental
Dave's very own comedy debating mash-up returns for an all-new and exclusive series every Tuesday at 10.20pm. Watch a sneak peek right now.
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Never Mind The Buzzcocks
Catch Buzzcocks every Wednesday at 9pm, read about the Top 10 Buzzcocks guests and take a music quiz right here.
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QI Quizzes
We've got bloody loads of QI quizzes, one for every letter of the alphabet in fact. Well, we do if the alphabet only consisted of the letters A-F. Couldn't be arsed with the rest. Too many letters.
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Men Behaving Badly
If any series was made for Dave it’s Men Behaving Badly – the classic 1990s series that became a huge ratings hit. Mondays at 9:40pm from 8th February.
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Have I Got News For You.
Paul Merton, returns with the cherub-faced Ian Hislop and the ever changing cannon of HIGNFY hosts, Fridays at 9pm.
Rufus Hound's Argumental blog
Considering that I wrote the final blog of the last series this one by rights should be coming to you from the gold-plated, ivory-shafted quill of Marcus Brigstocke...
Argumental video clips
Watch exclusive outtakes and highlights from episode 1 and a taste of what's coming up later in the series.
Read moreQuizzes
An interview with Paul McCartney
Sir Paul shares some of his memories of the stories behind some of The Beatles' most famous songs.
Quotes
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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
- Billy Connolly
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.
- Tim Vine
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I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.
- Noel Coward
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TV cop Inspector Lynley seems to have taken the traditional British principle of keeping a 'stiff upper lip' and applied it to his entire head. He probably maintains the same rigid appearance at the point of orgasm, though it's as hard to envisage Lynley reaching climax as it is to picture, say, Peter Sissons in a similar situation.
- Charlie Brooker
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I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.
- Ricky Gervais
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Her mother was a cultivated women. She was born in a greenhouse.
- Spike Milligan
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On a family car: Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it, if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under the tweed. I do, and it helps.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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Grandchildren can be f\*\*king annoying. How many times can you go 'And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink'? It's like talking to a supermodel.
- Joan Rivers
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Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom.
- Noel Coward
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Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
- Oscar Wilde
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I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.
- Tim Vine
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Telephone: An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
- Ambrose Bierce
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show: vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can, in some extreme cases, lead to genocide.
- Bill Bailey
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Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
- Dorothy Parker
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Family members keep trying to set me up with men, but they're always cousins. Or cousins of cousins of cousins. It gets very confusing in Asian circles – if you don't keep track you could end up sleeping with yourself.
- Shazia Mirza
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It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
- Steven Wright
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It's a metaphor of human existence, a dragon. And if that wasn't bad enough, it's also a bloody great hot flying thing.
- Terry Pratchett
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
- WC Fields
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Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheroes.
- Jimmy Carr
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Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
- Terry Pratchett
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Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.
- Frankie Boyle
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On his appendix: Why would God put it in you when it does nothing but randomly kill you for no reason?
- Dara O'Briain
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Death Before Dishonour. Exactly how much dishonour are we talking about here? Because I could handle quite a lot.
- Dylan Moran
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The English like eccentrics. They just don't like them living next door.
- Julian Clary
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On the Ferrari Enzo: Ferrari is so pleased with it, they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car... the Colin.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam.
- George Carlin
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I wanted to be John Cleese and it took some time to realise the job was, in fact, taken.
- Douglas Adams
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To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness.
- Oscar Wilde
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Getting a movie made in Hollywood is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people coming into the room and breathing on it.
- Douglas Adams
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Now the country is in a terrible state and you've blamed it on a number of things - unemployment rate, the value of the pound, and all that. It's actually because the national anthem is boring.
- Billy Connolly
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I've done a bit of Latin my time, but I can control it.
- Eddie Izzard
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On motor homes: I'm really only happy when I'm bent double in a small space washing my hair in recycled urine.
- Julian Clary
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Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
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Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
- Steven Wright
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How long is it polite to continue to be interested in what someone says after they reveal they've got a boyfriend?
- Russell Brand
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Ever wonder about those people who spend two dollars a piece on those tiny bottles of Evian water? Now try spelling Evian backwards.
- George Carlin
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The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.
- Jimmy Carr
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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On GM crops: I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of velcro, to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles. But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding velcro so it's a bit of a long shot.
- Bill Bailey
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On former Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin: I wish Baldwin no ill, but it would have been much better if he had never lived.
- Winston Churchill
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I don't have hobbies, hobbies cost money. Interests, on the other hand, are quite free.
- George Carlin
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You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks? I swear now, you never get used to that.
- Peter Kay
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I'm English and, as such, I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
- Bill Bailey
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Why is it called a Brazilian when it looks more like Chile?
- Jeremy Hardy
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Noel Coward
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said: Get the hell off my property.
- Joan Rivers
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself.
- Mark Twain
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Old Professors never die, they just lose their faculties.
- Stephen Fry
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I'm a postmodern vegetarian. I eat meat ironically.
- Bill Bailey
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Velcro. What a rip-off.
- Tim Vine
