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Try a QI quiz
There's a QI quiz for every single letter of the alphabet. Well, there is if the alphabet only consisted of the letters A-F.
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Let Word War III commence
Argumental Outtakes!
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Spaced
The archetypal slacker comedy starring Simon Pegg arrives on Dave, Mondays at 10pm. Read profiles of the cast, watch some of our favourite clips and take our Spaced quiz here.
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Dara Ó Briain's exclusive Dave blog
Here's 10 ideas for Scenes We'd Like to See that didn't make it into Mock the Week. Wonder why...?
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Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle
Catch Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle every Monday at 11:10pm on Dave.
Rufus Hound's Argumental blog
Take a microscope to the pores of my skin you'd see thousands of tiny, individual, beads of success pouring out of me like women cascading from Russell Brand's hotel room.
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Miss Simon Amstell in the new series of Buzzcocks? Get your Amstell fix every Wednesdays at 11pm with Dave premiere episodes from series 21.
Read moreQuizzes
Top 10 times they got it wrong on QI
It's our sad duty to report that even QI, the receptacle of all things wise and witty, sometimes goes a bit wonky.
Quotes
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On former Prime Minister Clement Attlee: He is a very modest man. Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
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To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness.
- Oscar Wilde
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I used to have difficulty in the sack. You know, in bringing another person to the point of orgasm. Largely because I was always alone.
- Jeremy Hardy
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The best thing anyone's ever shouted at me? Oi you Paki. Go back to India.
- Shazia Mirza
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When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.
- Steven Wright
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My aunt died at precisely 10.47am and the old grandfather clock stopped at precisely the same time also. It fell on her.
- Paul Merton
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A common misconception of me is that I'm very grumpy. I'm only quite grumpy. I am very forgiving in a vengeful way.
- Jeremy Hardy
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On West London: Rough and ready, so it's hardly surprising that Australian backpackers flock there. Best avoided unless you want to get drunk on cheap drinks and have sex in the toilets. I go about four times a week.
- Julian Clary
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There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that night time look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?
- Eddie Izzard
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I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.
- Dorothy Parker
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The world's divided into good and bad people. The good ones sleep better, but the bad ones enjoy the waking hours more.
- Woody Allen
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself.
- Mark Twain
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This is the most unreliable car ever made. In fact, if you've got a more unreliable one, write to us at: Actually I've Got a Peugeot, BBC Top Gear, London…
- Jeremy Clarkson
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When red-haired people are above a certain social grade, their hair is auburn.
- Mark Twain
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Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
- Jimmy Carr
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They were the sort of people generally called salt of the earth. In other words they were hard, square and bad for your health.
- Terry Pratchett
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In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
- Douglas Adams
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On talent shows: A bit like watching a programme in which children queue up to be punched in the face by Father Christmas. Absolutely riveting for all the wrong reasons.
- Charlie Brooker
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I am at two with nature.
- Woody Allen
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If we were truly created by God, why do we occasionally bite the insides of our mouths?
- Dara O'Briain
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If your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps?
- Russell Brand
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I don't like little chip and pin machines. I don't like that they tell you what to do. 'Hand me back to the merchant!' like a bossy toddler.
- Russell Brand
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It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
- Spike Milligan
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On being gay: As I was being born, I looked up at my mother and said: that's the last time I'm going up one of those.
- Stephen Fry
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
- Tim Vine
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I don't need you to remind me of my age, I have a bladder to do that for me.
- Stephen Fry
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Custard: A vile concoction produced by the malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.
- Ambrose Bierce
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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I used to go out with a giraffe. Used to take it to the pictures and that. You'd always get some bloke complaining that he couldn't see the screen. It's a giraffe, mate. What d'you expect?
- Paul Merton
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The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.
- Bill Bailey
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All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- Steven Wright
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!!
- Bill Bailey
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British ferries have stopped transporting live animals to the Continent. This has made it very difficult for England fans to get to Away matches.
- Jo Brand
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On trying to explain the Milky Bar Kid to Americans: In the case of a Wild West conflict, the surest path to peace is to send in an albino child with chocolate.
- Dara O'Briain
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
- George Carlin
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My body is falling so fast my gynaecologist wears a hard hat.
- Joan Rivers
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The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable.
- Oscar Wilde
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On cooking: Nobody has the time. You come in from work and, if you're getting very adventurous, you think 'Tonight we will eat something that has two colours in it.' But you don't. You end up eating bread from the bag, dipping it in anything runnier than bread.
- Dylan Moran
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Death Before Dishonour. Exactly how much dishonour are we talking about here? Because I could handle quite a lot.
- Dylan Moran
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Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
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When I was younger I made it a rule never to take a drink before lunch. It is now my rule never to do so before breakfast.
- Winston Churchill
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On Stephen Hawking: He's not a genius, he's pretentious. Born in Kent and talks with an American accent!
- Ricky Gervais
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Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's successful, the whole of our reality will dissolve, and a big sign will up come that says: Level Two.
- Frankie Boyle
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My school days were the happiest days of my life, which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.
- Paul Merton
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- George Carlin
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
- Steven Wright
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Imagine forcing the cast of Emmerdale to hurriedly construct Las Vegas at gunpoint in the rain. That's Glastonbury.
- Charlie Brooker
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Noel Coward
