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Dara's homework puzzle
How many people are at a party if there are 66 handshakes?
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Ultimate Suits Season 2 quiz
Another season of Suits is over, but how closely were you watching?
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Dara's extra-tricky mind-twisters
Ready to move up a class and take on these tougher teasers?
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Alex Horne Breaks the News
Dave has a brand new comedy podcast - download some witty banter straight into your ears now.
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Dara's School of Hard Sums
Miles Jupp and Stephen Mangan join Dara in next week's episode, Wed at 8pm.
Best Ever Blackadder
A cunning plan for May Bank Holiday Sunday.
Behind the scenes of Hard Sums
We spoke to Marcus du Sautoy to find out how the show is made.
Alex Horne Breaks the News
Dave is proud to present a brand new podcast hosted by Alex Horne with guests including Dan Antopolski, Rob Beckett and Tony Law.
Dara's homework puzzles and brainteasers
Fancy yourself as a bit of a brainiac? Wrap your grey stuff around these...
Quizzes
Ten Top Gear Commandments for proper petrolheads
Ok, so you've done the sensible thing and tuned in religiously, but that's no guarantee you're a real petrolhead...
Quotes
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The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
- PG Wodehouse
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I was gonna get a BMW and rang my dad who knows a bit about cars. He said, 'You can't get a German car after what your granddad went through in the war.' Now I didn't know about this but apparently, during the Second World War, my granddad had a succession of very unreliable German cars.
- Jack Dee
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They were the sort of people generally called salt of the earth. In other words they were hard, square and bad for your health.
- Terry Pratchett
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
- Tim Vine
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When I look back, the fondest memory I have is not really of the Goons. It's of a girl called Julia with enormous breasts.
- Spike Milligan
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To go with the boots I have a full-on corset that gives me an 18 inch waist. I have to re-arrange my intestines but it's worth it in the interests of light entertainment.
- Julian Clary
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
- WC Fields
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On the Empire: We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Sail halfway around the world, stick a flag in. I claim India for Britain. And they're going: You can't claim us. We live here. There's five hundred million of us. Ah, but do you have a flag? We don't need a flag, this is our country you bastard.
- Eddie Izzard
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If your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps?
- Russell Brand
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This is the first time in my lifetime that Irish people are able to go: 'What? You're going to England? It's full of terrorists. Come to Ireland. We've no terrorists at all. They're all playwrights now.'
- Dara O'Briain
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A common misconception of me is that I'm very grumpy. I'm only quite grumpy. I am very forgiving in a vengeful way.
- Jeremy Hardy
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On pears: They're ripe for half an hour, and you're never there. They're like a rock or they're mush. You think, I'll take them home and they'll ripen up. But you put them in the bowl at home, and they sit there going: No! No! Don't ripen yet, don't ripen yet. Wait til he goes out the room. Now ripen! Now now now!
- Eddie Izzard
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Apologise: To lay the foundation for a future offence.
- Ambrose Bierce
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On organ donation: There are a couple of conditions. Whoever takes my kidneys must also take my face. And my name as well. And they can kiss goodbye to man-made fibres, watching films with Tom Hanks in, and heterosexual sex.
- Julian Clary
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On former Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald: A sheep in sheep's clothing.
- Winston Churchill
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When someone close to you dies, move seats.
- Jimmy Carr
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What about the rumours David Cameron smoked drugs as a schoolboy? What worries me most is that he dressed up as a schoolboy to do it, the pervert.
- Russell Brand
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How do you know it's time to wash the dishes? Look inside your pants. If you find a penis in there, it's not time.
- Jo Brand
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Britain should be in the driving seat of Europe. In the driving seat, or in the passenger seat. That's good, cos then you can take a sleep.
- Eddie Izzard
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I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.
- Ricky Gervais
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show: vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can, in some extreme cases, lead to genocide.
- Bill Bailey
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Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
- Peter Kay
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Velcro. What a rip-off.
- Tim Vine
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On always being late for meetings: I am a sporting man. I always like to give trains and planes a fair chance of getting away.
- Winston Churchill
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I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.
- Victoria Wood
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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The higher the buildings, the lower the morals.
- Noel Coward
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They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.
- Frankie Boyle
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I'd like to have joined the army, but had to make do with being a renowned homosexual instead.
- Julian Clary
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I've done a bit of Latin my time, but I can control it.
- Eddie Izzard
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I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
- Steven Wright
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Politics is the ability to tell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.
- Winston Churchill
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Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheroes.
- Jimmy Carr
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Join the army. Meet interesting people. Kill them.
- Steven Wright
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen
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Last time I went Intercity there were a couple across the aisle having sex. Of course, this being a British train, nobody said anything. Then they finished, they both lit up a cigarette and this woman stood up and said, Excuse me, I think you'll find this is a non-smoking compartment.
- Victoria Wood
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
- Steven Wright
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If you can play a guitar and harmonica at the same time, like Bob Dylan or Neil Young, you're a genius. But make that extra bit of effort and strap some cymbals to your knees, suddenly people want to get the hell away from you.
- Rich Hall
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My boyfriend had a sex manual but he was dyslexic. I was lying there and he was looking for my vinegar.
- Victoria Wood
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Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
- Douglas Adams
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On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: Do you mind if I mug you here?
- Paul Merton
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On a car he didn't like very much: There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it. Including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?
- Jeremy Clarkson
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I think Iran and Iraq had a war simply because their names are so similar. They keep getting each other's post.
- Paul Merton
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I had a wet dream about you last night. I dreamt you got hit by a bus, and I pissed myself laughing.
- Jack Dee
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Marriage is a wonderful invention. Then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
- Billy Connolly
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Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
- Douglas Adams
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On respect for the Queen: When I lick a stamp I always do it with my eyes closed.
- Russell Brand
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Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
- Oscar Wilde
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I had some glasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
- Steven Wright
