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Dara's homework puzzle
How many people are at a party if there are 66 handshakes?
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Ultimate Suits Season 2 quiz
Another season of Suits is over, but how closely were you watching?
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Dara's School of Hard Sums
Miles Jupp and Stephen Mangan join Dara in next week's episode, Wed at 8pm. Watch a teaser.
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Alex Horne Breaks the News
Dave has a brand new comedy podcast - download some witty banter straight into your ears now.
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Dara's extra-tricky mind-twisters
Ready to move up a class and take on these tougher teasers?
Best Ever Blackadder
A cunning plan for May Bank Holiday Sunday.
Behind the scenes of Hard Sums
We spoke to Marcus du Sautoy to find out how the show is made.
Alex Horne Breaks the News
Dave is proud to present a brand new podcast hosted by Alex Horne with guests including Dan Antopolski, Rob Beckett and Tony Law.
Dara's homework puzzles and brainteasers
Fancy yourself as a bit of a brainiac? Wrap your grey stuff around these...
Quizzes
Ten Top Gear Commandments for proper petrolheads
Ok, so you've done the sensible thing and tuned in religiously, but that's no guarantee you're a real petrolhead...
Quotes
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Imagine forcing the cast of Emmerdale to hurriedly construct Las Vegas at gunpoint in the rain. That's Glastonbury.
- Charlie Brooker
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I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?
- Frankie Boyle
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I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
- Paul Merton
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Time doth flit; oh shit.
- Dorothy Parker
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I wish they'd stop improving car washes. They just keep adding to the choice on that menu. The super valet, super foam valet, super wax valet. When all you want is a button that says: Get this sh*t off my bonnet.
- Jack Dee
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Apparently they're going to bring in Super Asbos. But Asbos already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them Gaybos or Bender Badges.
- Frankie Boyle
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
- Ambrose Bierce
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Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
- George Carlin
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On former Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald: A sheep in sheep's clothing.
- Winston Churchill
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I have been complimented many times and it always embarrasses me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
- Mark Twain
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Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
- Woody Allen
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Politics is the ability to tell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.
- Winston Churchill
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On former Prime Minister Clement Attlee: He is a very modest man. Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
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When you say to a child, 'It's bedtime', what the child hears is: Go and lie down in the dark. For hours. I'm locking the door now.
- Dylan Moran
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On America: It's like the really bad flatmate of the world. Oh gee, sorry, did I break all your stuff? I didn't know it was yours. I'll replace it next week.
- Dylan Moran
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When I look back, the fondest memory I have is not really of the Goons. It's of a girl called Julia with enormous breasts.
- Spike Milligan
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TV cop Inspector Lynley seems to have taken the traditional British principle of keeping a 'stiff upper lip' and applied it to his entire head. He probably maintains the same rigid appearance at the point of orgasm, though it's as hard to envisage Lynley reaching climax as it is to picture, say, Peter Sissons in a similar situation.
- Charlie Brooker
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Being Asian, I love doing overtime. I don't feel human if I haven't worked a 900-hour week and opened up a couple of new businesses.
- Shazia Mirza
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There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It's called the guillotine.
- PG Wodehouse
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When someone close to you dies, move seats.
- Jimmy Carr
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
- Bill Bailey
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I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.
- Ricky Gervais
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On a car he didn't like very much: There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it. Including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's successful, the whole of our reality will dissolve, and a big sign will up come that says: Level Two.
- Frankie Boyle
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On the Ferrari Enzo: Ferrari is so pleased with it, they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car... the Colin.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?
- Jeremy Clarkson
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British ferries have stopped transporting live animals to the Continent. This has made it very difficult for England fans to get to Away matches.
- Jo Brand
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My body is falling so fast my gynaecologist wears a hard hat.
- Joan Rivers
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Remember when we dug Saddam up out of that hole? He looked like a Father Christmas who had been sacked from Debenhams for being drunk at work.
- Russell Brand
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History shall be kind to me. For I intend to write it.
- Winston Churchill
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The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
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On a family car: Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it, if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under the tweed. I do, and it helps.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.
- Stephen Fry
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Familiarity breeds contempt — and children.
- Mark Twain
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I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
- Dorothy Parker
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If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there's no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't done it.
- Paul Merton
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One of my friends went on a murder weekend. Now he's doing life for it.
- Jack Dee
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The higher the buildings, the lower the morals.
- Noel Coward
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Old Professors never die, they just lose their faculties.
- Stephen Fry
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On baking a cake: Cream six ounces of butter and caster sugar. Break three eggs and fold into mixture, add six ounces of flour, spoon into cake tins and cook at gas mark five. After 25 minutes remove from oven, pour on three glasses of brandy and add some cream. Add some more cream. Add some more cream. Serve with custard, ice cream and no friends.
- Jo Brand
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In my local newspaper, they had this advert: 'please look after your neighbours in the cold weather'. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, and do you know, not once has she come round to see if I'm all right. The lazy cow hasn't even taken her milk in for a fortnight.
- Jack Dee
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All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- Steven Wright
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The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
- Dorothy Parker
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In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
- Douglas Adams
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On former Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin: I wish Baldwin no ill, but it would have been much better if he had never lived.
- Winston Churchill
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
- WC Fields
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Apologise: To lay the foundation for a future offence.
- Ambrose Bierce
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I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
- Victoria Wood
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I don't need you to remind me of my age, I have a bladder to do that for me.
- Stephen Fry
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Work is much more fun than fun.
- Noel Coward
