• Argumental Argumental

    Argumental

    Dave's very own comedy debating mash-up returns for an all-new and exclusive series every Tuesday at 10.20pm. Watch a sneak peek right now.

  • Never Mind The Buzzcocks Never Mind The Buzzcocks

    Never Mind The Buzzcocks

    Catch Buzzcocks every Wednesday at 9pm, read about the Top 10 Buzzcocks guests and take a music quiz right here.

  • QI Quizzes QI Quizzes

    QI Quizzes

    We've got bloody loads of QI quizzes, one for every letter of the alphabet in fact. Well, we do if the alphabet only consisted of the letters A-F. Couldn't be arsed with the rest. Too many letters.

  • Men Behaving Badly Men Behaving Badly

    Men Behaving Badly

    If any series was made for Dave it’s Men Behaving Badly – the classic 1990s series that became a huge ratings hit. Mondays at 9:40pm from 8th February.

  • Have I Got News For You. Have I Got News For You.

    Have I Got News For You.

    Paul Merton, returns with the cherub-faced Ian Hislop and the ever changing cannon of HIGNFY hosts, Fridays at 9pm.

Red Dwarf

Red Dwarf

Take a Red Dwarf quiz, read the cast blogs and watch some exclusive videos.

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Dave's quizzes

Dave's quizzes

We've got quizzes on pretty much everything, you know.

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Rufus Hound's Argumental blog

Rufus Hound's Argumental blog

Considering that I wrote the final blog of the last series this one by rights should be coming to you from the gold-plated, ivory-shafted quill of Marcus Brigstocke...

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Argumental video clips

Argumental video clips

Watch exclusive outtakes and highlights from episode 1 and a taste of what's coming up later in the series.

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Quotes

  • Start Quote Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. End Quote

    - Billy Connolly

  • Start Quote I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one. End Quote

    - Tim Vine

  • Start Quote I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me. End Quote

    - Noel Coward

  • Start Quote TV cop Inspector Lynley seems to have taken the traditional British principle of keeping a 'stiff upper lip' and applied it to his entire head. He probably maintains the same rigid appearance at the point of orgasm, though it's as hard to envisage Lynley reaching climax as it is to picture, say, Peter Sissons in a similar situation. End Quote

    - Charlie Brooker

  • Start Quote I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg. End Quote

    - Ricky Gervais

  • Start Quote Her mother was a cultivated women. She was born in a greenhouse. End Quote

    - Spike Milligan

  • Start Quote On a family car: Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it, if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under the tweed. I do, and it helps. End Quote

    - Jeremy Clarkson

  • Start Quote Grandchildren can be f\*\*king annoying. How many times can you go 'And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink'? It's like talking to a supermodel. End Quote

    - Joan Rivers

  • Start Quote Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom. End Quote

    - Noel Coward

  • Start Quote Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. End Quote

    - Oscar Wilde

  • Start Quote I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy. End Quote

    - Tim Vine

  • Start Quote Telephone: An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. End Quote

    - Ambrose Bierce

  • Start Quote Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show: vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can, in some extreme cases, lead to genocide. End Quote

    - Bill Bailey

  • Start Quote Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair. End Quote

    - Dorothy Parker

  • Start Quote Family members keep trying to set me up with men, but they're always cousins. Or cousins of cousins of cousins. It gets very confusing in Asian circles – if you don't keep track you could end up sleeping with yourself. End Quote

    - Shazia Mirza

  • Start Quote It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. End Quote

    - Steven Wright

  • Start Quote It's a metaphor of human existence, a dragon. And if that wasn't bad enough, it's also a bloody great hot flying thing. End Quote

    - Terry Pratchett

  • Start Quote Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. End Quote

    - WC Fields

  • Start Quote Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheroes. End Quote

    - Jimmy Carr

  • Start Quote Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life. End Quote

    - Terry Pratchett

  • Start Quote Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke. End Quote

    - Frankie Boyle

  • Start Quote On his appendix: Why would God put it in you when it does nothing but randomly kill you for no reason? End Quote

    - Dara O'Briain

  • Start Quote Death Before Dishonour. Exactly how much dishonour are we talking about here? Because I could handle quite a lot. End Quote

    - Dylan Moran

  • Start Quote The English like eccentrics. They just don't like them living next door. End Quote

    - Julian Clary

  • Start Quote On the Ferrari Enzo: Ferrari is so pleased with it, they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car... the Colin. End Quote

    - Jeremy Clarkson

  • Start Quote I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. End Quote

    - George Carlin

  • Start Quote I wanted to be John Cleese and it took some time to realise the job was, in fact, taken. End Quote

    - Douglas Adams

  • Start Quote To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness. End Quote

    - Oscar Wilde

  • Start Quote Getting a movie made in Hollywood is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people coming into the room and breathing on it. End Quote

    - Douglas Adams

  • Start Quote Now the country is in a terrible state and you've blamed it on a number of things - unemployment rate, the value of the pound, and all that. It's actually because the national anthem is boring. End Quote

    - Billy Connolly

  • Start Quote I've done a bit of Latin my time, but I can control it. End Quote

    - Eddie Izzard

  • Start Quote On motor homes: I'm really only happy when I'm bent double in a small space washing my hair in recycled urine. End Quote

    - Julian Clary

  • Start Quote Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go. End Quote

    - Oscar Wilde

  • Start Quote Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have. End Quote

    - Steven Wright

  • Start Quote How long is it polite to continue to be interested in what someone says after they reveal they've got a boyfriend? End Quote

    - Russell Brand

  • Start Quote Ever wonder about those people who spend two dollars a piece on those tiny bottles of Evian water? Now try spelling Evian backwards. End Quote

    - George Carlin

  • Start Quote The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling. End Quote

    - Jimmy Carr

  • Start Quote My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. End Quote

    - Rodney Dangerfield

  • Start Quote On GM crops: I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of velcro, to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles. But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding velcro so it's a bit of a long shot. End Quote

    - Bill Bailey

  • Start Quote On former Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin: I wish Baldwin no ill, but it would have been much better if he had never lived. End Quote

    - Winston Churchill

  • Start Quote I don't have hobbies, hobbies cost money. Interests, on the other hand, are quite free. End Quote

    - George Carlin

  • Start Quote You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks? I swear now, you never get used to that. End Quote

    - Peter Kay

  • Start Quote I'm English and, as such, I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. End Quote

    - Bill Bailey

  • Start Quote Why is it called a Brazilian when it looks more like Chile? End Quote

    - Jeremy Hardy

  • Start Quote I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. End Quote

    - Noel Coward

  • Start Quote I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said: Get the hell off my property. End Quote

    - Joan Rivers

  • Start Quote I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself. End Quote

    - Mark Twain

  • Start Quote Old Professors never die, they just lose their faculties. End Quote

    - Stephen Fry

  • Start Quote I'm a postmodern vegetarian. I eat meat ironically. End Quote

    - Bill Bailey

  • Start Quote Velcro. What a rip-off. End Quote

    - Tim Vine

All quotes