• Win a case of Old Speckled Hen Win a case of Old Speckled Hen

    Win a case of Old Speckled Hen

    To celebrate the return of Argumental on Dave, we've got a case of "Old Speckled Hen" for 15 lucky winners.

  • Quite interesting quizzes Quite interesting quizzes

    Quite interesting quizzes

    We've got a QI quiz for every letter of the alphabet. Well, we do if the alphabet only consisted of the letters A-F.

  • Men Behaving Badly - Thursdays at 9:40pm Men Behaving Badly - Thursdays at 9:40pm

    Men Behaving Badly - Thursdays at 9:40pm

    Take a beer or curry quiz and watch some videos that would tickle the lads.

  • Never Mind the Buzzcocks Never Mind the Buzzcocks

    Never Mind the Buzzcocks

    Enjoy our Top 5 most memorable Buzzcocks guests, the Simon Amstell vs Mark Lamarr debate and profiles of the Buzzcocks hosts.

  • Argumental Outtakes! Argumental Outtakes!

    Let Word War III commence

    Argumental Outtakes!

    Want more Argumental do you? Well, we'll do any thing to make you happy! Just click on the play button for the outakes from the latest episode! Or on the link below from more from Argumental.

Blur Quiz

Blur Quiz

Are you a Blur fanatic or did you only buy Parklife because you like photos of greyhounds?

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Andy Parsons interview

Andy Parsons interview

We caught up with the topical tour-de-force from Mock the Week.

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Rufus Hound's Argumental blog

Rufus Hound's Argumental blog

To recap, that's TWO series wins to me. Brigstocke, if you're reading this – and I know you are – in your face, you big posh loser!

Read more

Dara O'Briain's exclusive blog

Dara O'Briain's exclusive blog

Not only is he a star of Mock the Week and Argumental he's also our official comedy blogger. In this series of exclusive articles Dara reveals some of the secrets behind his shows.

Read more

Quotes

  • Start Quote You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. End Quote

    - George Carlin

  • Start Quote Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. End Quote

    - Douglas Adams

  • Start Quote I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious. End Quote

    - Steven Wright

  • Start Quote Nostalgia is heroin for old people. End Quote

    - Dara O'Briain

  • Start Quote When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. End Quote

    - Peter Kay

  • Start Quote On former Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald: A sheep in sheep's clothing. End Quote

    - Winston Churchill

  • Start Quote I saw this train driver and said, 'I wanna go to Paris.' He said, 'Eurostar?' I said, 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.' Mind you, at least the Eurostar's comfy. It's murder on the Orient Express isn't it? End Quote

    - Tim Vine

  • Start Quote I'm afraid I was very much the traditionalist. I went down on one knee and dictated a proposal which my secretary faxed over straight away. End Quote

    - Stephen Fry

  • Start Quote I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. End Quote

    - Joan Rivers

  • Start Quote Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. End Quote

    - Ambrose Bierce

  • Start Quote It's silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the south for longer than five minutes, they will try to sell you fruit. End Quote

    - Paul Merton

  • Start Quote I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing. End Quote

    - Jimmy Carr

  • Start Quote It's a rum state of affairs when you feel like punching a jar of mayonnaise in the face. End Quote

    - Charlie Brooker

  • Start Quote I come from Montana, which is very flat. Wonderfully flat. You can watch your dog run away for three days. End Quote

    - Rich Hall

  • Start Quote Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. End Quote

    - Ambrose Bierce

  • Start Quote On satellite TV: I watch hours on end of the History Channel and Discovery Channel. Just back and forth, History Channel and Discovery Channel. Ask me anything about sharks and Nazis. Not as bad as a lot of people make out, actually. Sharks I mean, not Nazis. Sharks, brilliant. Nazis, rubbish. End Quote

    - Ricky Gervais

  • Start Quote On Stephen Hawking: He's not a genius, he's pretentious. Born in Kent and talks with an American accent! End Quote

    - Ricky Gervais

  • Start Quote The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable. End Quote

    - Oscar Wilde

  • Start Quote On West London: Rough and ready, so it's hardly surprising that Australian backpackers flock there. Best avoided unless you want to get drunk on cheap drinks and have sex in the toilets. I go about four times a week. End Quote

    - Julian Clary

  • Start Quote Old women with mobile phones look wrong. End Quote

    - Peter Kay

  • Start Quote Atheism is a non-prophet organisation. End Quote

    - George Carlin

  • Start Quote I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage. End Quote

    - Noel Coward

  • Start Quote On former Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin: I wish Baldwin no ill, but it would have been much better if he had never lived. End Quote

    - Winston Churchill

  • Start Quote On motor homes: I'm really only happy when I'm bent double in a small space washing my hair in recycled urine. End Quote

    - Julian Clary

  • Start Quote So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.' End Quote

    - Tim Vine

  • Start Quote I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. End Quote

    - Steven Wright

  • Start Quote Sweater: A garment worn by a child when its mother is feeling chilly. End Quote

    - Ambrose Bierce

  • Start Quote On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television. End Quote

    - Billy Connolly

  • Start Quote I'm English and, as such, I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. End Quote

    - Bill Bailey

  • Start Quote Join the army. Meet interesting people. Kill them. End Quote

    - Steven Wright

  • Start Quote On baking a cake: Cream six ounces of butter and caster sugar. Break three eggs and fold into mixture, add six ounces of flour, spoon into cake tins and cook at gas mark five. After 25 minutes remove from oven, pour on three glasses of brandy and add some cream. Add some more cream. Add some more cream. Serve with custard, ice cream and no friends. End Quote

    - Jo Brand

  • Start Quote Apparently they're going to bring in Super Asbos. But Asbos already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them Gaybos or Bender Badges. End Quote

    - Frankie Boyle

  • Start Quote Death Before Dishonour. Exactly how much dishonour are we talking about here? Because I could handle quite a lot. End Quote

    - Dylan Moran

  • Start Quote When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice. End Quote

    - Steven Wright

  • Start Quote This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it. End Quote

    - Dorothy Parker

  • Start Quote Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke. End Quote

    - Frankie Boyle

  • Start Quote On organ donation: There are a couple of conditions. Whoever takes my kidneys must also take my face. And my name as well. And they can kiss goodbye to man-made fibres, watching films with Tom Hanks in, and heterosexual sex. End Quote

    - Julian Clary

  • Start Quote When I look back, the fondest memory I have is not really of the Goons. It's of a girl called Julia with enormous breasts. End Quote

    - Spike Milligan

  • Start Quote This is the first time in my lifetime that Irish people are able to go: 'What? You're going to England? It's full of terrorists. Come to Ireland. We've no terrorists at all. They're all playwrights now.' End Quote

    - Dara O'Briain

  • Start Quote I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. End Quote

    - George Carlin

  • Start Quote His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools — the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans — and summed up all three of them in his phrase: You can't trust any bugger further you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink. End Quote

    - Terry Pratchett

  • Start Quote I don't do enough for charity. I do it a bit, you could always do more, but I look at it like this... it's a pain, isn't it? End Quote

    - Ricky Gervais

  • Start Quote I was gonna get a BMW and rang my dad who knows a bit about cars. He said, 'You can't get a German car after what your granddad went through in the war.' Now I didn't know about this but apparently, during the Second World War, my granddad had a succession of very unreliable German cars. End Quote

    - Jack Dee

  • Start Quote Sexual harassment at work. Is it a problem for the self-employed? End Quote

    - Victoria Wood

  • Start Quote I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. End Quote

    - Dorothy Parker

  • Start Quote Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love. End Quote

    - Woody Allen

  • Start Quote Now the country is in a terrible state and you've blamed it on a number of things - unemployment rate, the value of the pound, and all that. It's actually because the national anthem is boring. End Quote

    - Billy Connolly

  • Start Quote Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. End Quote

    - Oscar Wilde

  • Start Quote Those are my principles, and if you don't like them… Well, I have others. End Quote

    - Groucho Marx

  • Start Quote I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs. Like custom officers. End Quote

    - Jack Dee

All quotes