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Argumental
Dave's very own comedy debating mash-up returns for an all-new and exclusive series every Tuesday at 10.20pm. Watch a sneak peek right now.
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Never Mind The Buzzcocks
Catch Buzzcocks every Wednesday at 9pm, read about the Top 10 Buzzcocks guests and take a music quiz right here.
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QI Quizzes
We've got bloody loads of QI quizzes, one for every letter of the alphabet in fact. Well, we do if the alphabet only consisted of the letters A-F. Couldn't be arsed with the rest. Too many letters.
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Men Behaving Badly
If any series was made for Dave it’s Men Behaving Badly – the classic 1990s series that became a huge ratings hit. Mondays at 9:40pm from 8th February.
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Have I Got News For You.
Paul Merton, returns with the cherub-faced Ian Hislop and the ever changing cannon of HIGNFY hosts, Fridays at 9pm.
Rufus Hound's Argumental blog
Considering that I wrote the final blog of the last series this one by rights should be coming to you from the gold-plated, ivory-shafted quill of Marcus Brigstocke...
Argumental video clips
Watch exclusive outtakes and highlights from episode 1 and a taste of what's coming up later in the series.
Read moreQuizzes
An interview with Paul McCartney
Sir Paul shares some of his memories of the stories behind some of The Beatles' most famous songs.
Quotes
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Clothes maketh the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.
- Mark Twain
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If we were truly created by God, why do we occasionally bite the insides of our mouths?
- Dara O'Briain
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On David Cameron being sneezed on: This is what happens in this country. In America they assassinate people; here we just wipe snot on their backs. Fundamentally we're better people.
- Paul Merton
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Join the army. Meet interesting people. Kill them.
- Steven Wright
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I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
- Peter Kay
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I'm an appalling cook. I can just about create a glass of orange juice and a ham-and-cheese sandwich.
- Dara O'Briain
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
- Woody Allen
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Work is much more fun than fun.
- Noel Coward
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
- Steven Wright
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History shall be kind to me. For I intend to write it.
- Winston Churchill
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It's a rum state of affairs when you feel like punching a jar of mayonnaise in the face.
- Charlie Brooker
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All the women in my family wear the hijab. Which is good because it means they can share the one bus pass.
- Shazia Mirza
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It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase 'As pretty as an airport' appear.
- Douglas Adams
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I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.
- Eddie Izzard
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My body is falling so fast my gynaecologist wears a hard hat.
- Joan Rivers
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My dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire'. Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
- Peter Kay
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time. Which is just long enough to be President of the United States.
- Spike Milligan
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Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.
- Noel Coward
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The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.
- Jimmy Carr
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Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's successful, the whole of our reality will dissolve, and a big sign will up come that says: Level Two.
- Frankie Boyle
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If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there's no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't done it.
- Paul Merton
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Let's look beyond the divisions of football teams and look at the unifying force within our souls... SEX!
- Russell Brand
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I'd always thought her half-baked, but now I think they didn't even put her in the oven.
- PG Wodehouse
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
- Spike Milligan
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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.
- Jimmy Carr
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This is the most unreliable car ever made. In fact, if you've got a more unreliable one, write to us at: Actually I've Got a Peugeot, BBC Top Gear, London…
- Jeremy Clarkson
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On the Reformation: Henry VIII went up to the Pope and said: Mr Pope I'm gonna marry my first wife, then I'm gonna divorce her. Second wife, I'm gonna kill her. Cut her head off. Third wife, gonna shoot her. Fourth wife, put her in a bag. Fifth wife, into outer space. Sixth wife, on a rotissamat. Seventh wife, made out of jam.... and the Pope is saying: What have you been reading? The gospel according to St. Bastard?
- Eddie Izzard
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Why is it called a Brazilian when it looks more like Chile?
- Jeremy Hardy
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On Osama bin Laden: He's the face the media have decided to put on terror, but it doesn't mean he's actually running the operation. It's kind of like Kentucky Fried Chicken. Just because the Colonel's picture's on the bucket, doesn't mean he's actually making the chicken.
- Rich Hall
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As an Anglican, you don't lose your faith - you just can't remember where you left it.
- Jeremy Hardy
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True friends stab you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
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Two guys are talking and one says to the other: 'What would you do if the end of the world was in 3 minutes time?' The other one says: 'I'd shag everything that moved. What would you do?' And he says: 'I'd stand perfectly still.'
- Billy Connolly
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On a family car: Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it, if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under the tweed. I do, and it helps.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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The best thing anyone's ever shouted at me? Oi you Paki. Go back to India.
- Shazia Mirza
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The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- WC Fields
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On former Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin: I wish Baldwin no ill, but it would have been much better if he had never lived.
- Winston Churchill
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
- Woody Allen
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
- Joan Rivers
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
- Bill Bailey
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I know all teenagers want a computer of their own, but if they want to lock themselves in their rooms and damage their eyesight for hours on end, they don't need a computer to do it.
- Jeremy Hardy
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
- Spike Milligan
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British ferries have stopped transporting live animals to the Continent. This has made it very difficult for England fans to get to Away matches.
- Jo Brand
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On erotic vs. kinky: It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.
- Terry Pratchett
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Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe.
- Douglas Adams
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On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.
- Billy Connolly
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On baking a cake: Cream six ounces of butter and caster sugar. Break three eggs and fold into mixture, add six ounces of flour, spoon into cake tins and cook at gas mark five. After 25 minutes remove from oven, pour on three glasses of brandy and add some cream. Add some more cream. Add some more cream. Serve with custard, ice cream and no friends.
- Jo Brand
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The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.
- Terry Pratchett
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- Noel Coward
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No-one grows up wanting to be a junkie, eat Utterly Butterly or listen to Phil Collins. Capitalism wears you down.
- Jeremy Hardy
