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Win a case of Old Speckled Hen
To celebrate the return of Argumental on Dave, we've got a case of "Old Speckled Hen" for 15 lucky winners.
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Quite interesting quizzes
We've got a QI quiz for every letter of the alphabet. Well, we do if the alphabet only consisted of the letters A-F.
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Men Behaving Badly - Thursdays at 9:40pm
Take a beer or curry quiz and watch some videos that would tickle the lads.
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Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Enjoy our Top 5 most memorable Buzzcocks guests, the Simon Amstell vs Mark Lamarr debate and profiles of the Buzzcocks hosts.
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Let Word War III commence
Argumental Outtakes!
Want more Argumental do you? Well, we'll do any thing to make you happy! Just click on the play button for the outakes from the latest episode! Or on the link below from more from Argumental.
Blur Quiz
Are you a Blur fanatic or did you only buy Parklife because you like photos of greyhounds?
Rufus Hound's Argumental blog
To recap, that's TWO series wins to me. Brigstocke, if you're reading this – and I know you are – in your face, you big posh loser!
Dara O'Briain's exclusive blog
Not only is he a star of Mock the Week and Argumental he's also our official comedy blogger. In this series of exclusive articles Dara reveals some of the secrets behind his shows.
Read moreQuizzes
Top 10 times they got it wrong on QI
It's our sad duty to report that even QI, the receptacle of all things wise and witty, sometimes goes a bit wonky.
Quotes
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Death Before Dishonour. Exactly how much dishonour are we talking about here? Because I could handle quite a lot.
- Dylan Moran
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Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
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Am I the only one who's always tempted to light the wick on top of a beret?
- Paul Merton
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
- WC Fields
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On a film star: She delivered a performance that ran the gamut of emotions from A to B.
- Dorothy Parker
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The world's divided into good and bad people. The good ones sleep better, but the bad ones enjoy the waking hours more.
- Woody Allen
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
- Spike Milligan
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On West London: Rough and ready, so it's hardly surprising that Australian backpackers flock there. Best avoided unless you want to get drunk on cheap drinks and have sex in the toilets. I go about four times a week.
- Julian Clary
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On a dull car: It has the zip of a chairlift. The only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.
- Terry Pratchett
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All the women in my family wear the hijab. Which is good because it means they can share the one bus pass.
- Shazia Mirza
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I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.
- Jimmy Carr
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Marriage is a wonderful invention. Then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
- Billy Connolly
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
- WC Fields
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I'm afraid I was very much the traditionalist. I went down on one knee and dictated a proposal which my secretary faxed over straight away.
- Stephen Fry
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Day: A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
- Ambrose Bierce
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Why is it called a Brazilian when it looks more like Chile?
- Jeremy Hardy
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Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch breakfast TV.
- Victoria Wood
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We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging. I want to drive around in a Terminator, not the heroine in an EM Forster novel.
- Jeremy Clarkson
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I'm very indignant about all the Poles and Romanians coming over here and stealing our racism. Gatecrashing our racism. What's a black or an Asian got to do to get noticed now?
- Shazia Mirza
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The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.
- Terry Pratchett
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Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom.
- Noel Coward
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Television is for appearing on, not looking at.
- Noel Coward
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At the age of 11 or thereabouts, women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he's lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in his late 70s.
- PG Wodehouse
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Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable, let's prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.
- Douglas Adams
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The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- Mark Twain
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Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.
- Ambrose Bierce
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I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.
- Noel Coward
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I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five it's fantastic.
- Woody Allen
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
- Groucho Marx
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I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?
- Frankie Boyle
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I love the way garages leave black buckets outside for your dead flowers.
- Jack Dee
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I wish they'd stop improving car washes. They just keep adding to the choice on that menu. The super valet, super foam valet, super wax valet. When all you want is a button that says: Get this sh*t off my bonnet.
- Jack Dee
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This is the most unreliable car ever made. In fact, if you've got a more unreliable one, write to us at: Actually I've Got a Peugeot, BBC Top Gear, London…
- Jeremy Clarkson
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Now the country is in a terrible state and you've blamed it on a number of things - unemployment rate, the value of the pound, and all that. It's actually because the national anthem is boring.
- Billy Connolly
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
- Spike Milligan
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My children won't even eat chips because some little know-all bastard at school told them a potato was a vegetable.
- Victoria Wood
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I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.
- Eddie Izzard
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Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- Steven Wright
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My body is falling so fast my gynaecologist wears a hard hat.
- Joan Rivers
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Politics is the ability to tell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.
- Winston Churchill
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When I was younger I made it a rule never to take a drink before lunch. It is now my rule never to do so before breakfast.
- Winston Churchill
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On trekking abroad: I lost my corkscrew and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
- WC Fields
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His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools — the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans — and summed up all three of them in his phrase: You can't trust any bugger further you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.
- Terry Pratchett
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It's a rum state of affairs when you feel like punching a jar of mayonnaise in the face.
- Charlie Brooker
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There are three states of legality in Irish law. There is all this stuff which comes under That's grand, then it moves into Ah now don't push it, and finally it comes under Right now you're takin the piss, and that's when the police come in.
- Dara O'Briain
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I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
- PG Wodehouse
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Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
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On Paris Hilton: All I can think of are her poor parents. The shame, the shame of the Hilton family. To have your daughter do a porno film… in a Marriott hotel.
- Joan Rivers
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He ached all over. It wasn't just that his brain was writing cheques that his body couldn't cash. It had gone beyond that. Now his feet were borrowing money that his legs hadn't got, and his back muscles were looking for loose change under the sofa cushions.
- Terry Pratchett
