Judgement Dave blog

Too often I’ve explained my weekend exploits to see my mates' jaws drop or laugh hysterically at the unbelievably surreal situations and extreme lengths I’ll go to in order to meet girls, from the audacious to downright ridiculous. I feel that now it is time to share these sexploits with those who care to read and hopefully give some guidance to the unwitting. From the mistakes I have made and the successes I have had in my continuing journey to become a dating and sexual genius.

It all started last year when I broke up with my long-term girlfriend and had to re-enter the world of dating, it didn’t take me long to realise that it was the chase that made me tick and tick is what I did.

Did I still have 'It'?
‘It' = the ability to make girls like you by being who they want you to be. So, did I still have it? Well there was only one way to find out - dive straight in at the deep end. On the tube journey home after splitting up with my girlfriend I decided I needed to hit on someone. Looking around there were women - "that’s a good start" I thought but there was no real target available. And then a lovely young lady got on at Southwark giving me exactly three stops to get her number.

Luckily she sat down next to me - it seemed like fate was on my side. Three stops later I knew I still had "it" - two years of ludicrous monogamy hadn’t turned me stale. The banter was flowing and I had built some gravitas, no way was she not going to take my number. Sure enough, she took it.

Find the 'gap'
'The Gap' = a need perceived by a girl that if left unfulfilled will negatively impact their everyday life. So how had I had accomplished what I set out to do? Well, I found 'The Gap'. In this instance from my ‘intelligent questioning’ (more on this next time) I discovered that "like me" (not really) she also had a desire to start indoor climbing. Well what a brilliant first date that would be. Luckily I had actually been climbing once (really) which allowed me to exaggerate my knowledge to the extent that she believed I could teach her. Job done, I found something she wanted to try ("the need") and I had the expertise to teach her ("the skill" I possessed and she didn’t) and most of all I had the confidence she would take my number.

I swaggered into work the next day, the kind of swagger you see someone with after their drought of sexual activity has been soaked with the kind of floods Noah would be pleased with. It obviously wasn’t that great but it felt pretty dam good. At that point I see my ex, who was also my colleague, looking rather pissed off and making a beeline across the office for me. A glass of water later and I am soaked and a tad deflated. How was I to know the girl I hit on was her best friend’s housemate?