Film blog

If you're a proper sci-fi fan... Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
The very first Trek film is the nearest the franchise comes to serious, bona fide science fiction. In other words, it's low on action and big on people standing around discussing artificial intelligence and the history of space exploration. It's basically 2001: A Space Odyssey with Klingons. In its favour are 1) a hot bald babe and 2) the most hilariously terrible Star Trek uniforms ever. Mmm, beige catsuits.

If you want to watch a great film... Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)
Forget Godfather Part 2, because this is clearly the best sequel ever made. After the worthy and lullaby-like Motion Picture, the second Trek film stripped things down to essentials, giving us a titanic duel between Kirk and his obsessed nemeses Khan. Add an apocalyptic weapon, some great starship dogfights and Spock's tearjerking death scene. And you've got the best Trek film of them all.

If you're in a bad mood... Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984)
This is the Trek to watch after you get home from a rotten day at work to find your wife in bed with your dad. The grimmest and angriest in the franchise, it features some truly vicious and humourless Klingons, the destruction of the Enterprise. And the shocking murder of Kirk's son. And it all happens on a planet that's falling hellishly apart. Feel the catharsis.

If you want a comedy flick... Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)Star Trek is often unintentionally hilarious, but this time round the chuckles are there on purpose, with the Enterprise going back in time to the 1980s. Laugh! as Spock uses his nerve tingler on a punk rocker. Guffaw! As Kirk calls someone a dumbass. Best of all is Chekhov wandering Cold War-era America asking people (in his Russian accent) for directions to the 'nuclearwessels'. Ok, you really have to see it in context.

If you're in love with William Shatner... Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)
This one's less a Star Trek film than a recruiting video for a William Shatner cult. Written and directed by the man himself, it starts with a little, athletic figure climbing a mountain. A lithe, athletic figure who in close-up turns out to be a chubby, red-faced William Shatner. Clever use of stuntmen is only one of many Shatner-enhancing gimmicks in a movie which culminates in Kirk taking on God himself and wining. He should have gone the whole hog and called it Star Trek V: I'm William F\\king Shatner.

If you're feeling soppy... Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)
This is the final film to feature all the original Star Trek cast, and you can tell. It has a sort of last-day-at-school feel to it - happy, nostalgic and bittersweet. The crew are so chummy that different ranks seem irrelevant, and even the Klingons want to throw down their weapons and have a Klingony knees-up.

If you're an unashamed Trekkie... Star Trek: Generations (1994)
Does the idea of Kirk and Picard teaming up strike you as better than or comparable to fantastic sex? If not, then go watch Star Wars or something, because Generations is for die-hard, no-nonsense Trekkies only. As well as bringing the two captains together, it features a plot only Trekkies could love - replete with jumps in time, imaginary universes, elaborate holodeck scenes and Whoopi Goldberg muttering wise things in Picard's ear. Hardcore.

If you don't really like Star Trek... Star Trek: First Contact (1996)
The presence of the Borg, along with lots of very big guns, make this the one Trek film that even non-nerds have time for. Sure there's a subplot involving the creation of warp speed, but really this is an action flick about people running around corridors blowing the crap out of bad guys. Even Picard goes all Steven Seagal on us, and gives Worf a proper bollocking. Kirk would be proud.

If you wish Next Generation had never ended... Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)
The ninth film in the series sees Picard face a dilemma: should he follow federation orders and interfere with an alien civilisation or stay true to the Prime Directive and, in doing so, disobey his Starfleet superiors? Which raises a second question: who on earth thought this would be a good plot for a Star Trek movie? Lacking epic set pieces or big revelations, it's basically a standard Next Gen episode.

If you want to get excited about the new Trek film... Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)
If you're wondering why they're bothering to reboot the franchise with the new Trek film, go watch Nemesis. Featuring Romulans and an evil clone of Picard, it's not a bad film, it's just a bit... meh. And when a franchise does 'meh', you know it's time to give it an extreme makeover. Which in this case means going back to the days when Kirk had all his own hair and didn't wear a girdle. We can't wait.