Comedy blog

There's been a lot of hubbub recently over comedians having their jokes nicked. An article in the Independent highlighted the plight of Gary Delaney, who discovered his jokes appearing online without any acknowledgement that he wrote them. When contacting sickipedia.org to request the jokes be taken down, he was apparently met with a torrent of abuse from the site's users.

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Let me begin by saying that, contrary to what Marcus suggested last week, I'm not someone who likes to blow his own trumpet, for the very simple reason that I am a Winner, and winners like me have people to blow our trumpets for us.

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Ten shows down, and the scores stand at 6-4 to the jammy, self-satisfied and increasingly smug-faced Hound: here is a man so pleased with his recent successes on Argumental he's gone on a crash diet and had a number of vertebrae removed so that he can literally blow his own trumpet.

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It may be November but I'm already starting to think about what to do for Christmas. Personally I love my annual attempt at cardiac arrest through food and booze. I also truly believe that peace on earth can be achieved by the world collectively passing out on the sofa in a silly paper hat in front of The Spy Who Loved Me. So I thought I'd compile, in no particular order, a list of ten ideal comedy stocking fillers that you can buy family, friends or, most importantly, yourself. And if you do it online today, there's a vague chance they'll all arrive in time for Lent.

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They say there's nothing like the sweet smell of success and if that's true, then nothing smells sweeter than I do, right now. I'm positively reeking of success. Take a microscope to the pores of my skin you'd see thousands of tiny, individual, beads of success pouring out of me like women cascading from Russell Brand's hotel room.

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