Mark Steel

It seems that while the rest of the modern world sits transfixed by the glowing symbol of the Apple, marvelling at the very sleekness of their designs, Mark picks up a banana and looks the other way. Worryingly though, before Mark was a comedian, he used to be a TV repair man – seriously. We wonder if he just gave the telly a bash and was done with it? That's all we ever do – saves us a few bob anyway. He also had a go at being a poet and working in a garage before presumably realising the only gadget he was really interested in was a microphone.

But, like a secret Glee fan (we're all one of those really, aren't we?), Mark does admit that saying you don't like gadgets is a bit like confessing you'd like to live in a field with a bunch of rabbits. Confused? Yeah, we are too. A few gadgets would probably fix it. In fact, we might just go and revel in all of the wonderful gadgets we own before Mark goes about telling us how much of a waste of money it was for us to buy seven iPads – one in a different colour for each day of the week…

Tell us about your gadget life - do you lust after the latest must-have innovations like a kid in the sweet shop armed with a fifty pence piece?

I'm a hypocrite really because I hate them, but then I do succumb to them. If I was honest about my hatred of these rancid devilish machines, then of course I'd go and live in a field in the middle of Scotland and just catch wild rabbits. I did eventually get a mobile phone. It took about six or seven years.

Do you spend hours upon hours surfing gadget websites, looking at catalogues and/or Sunday supplement magazines, dreaming of your next gadgety purchase?

No, it would just make me angry and would be a stupid thing for me to do. It's a bit like me looking at George W Bush's election manifesto; there would just be no point.

Are there any gadgets or gizmos that you simply couldn't live without, not even for a day, that we should know about?

My Byron door chime.

If you could invent a brand new gadget to make you into an overnight entrepreneur, what would it be and why?

I would like to invent a gadget that de-gadgetised the world.

Do you take anything specific gizmo-wise when you go on tour to help pass the time?

I would take my iPod, but it broke about two years ago and I haven't bothered to mend it.

Do you know how all of your gadgets work? Do you bother reading the instruction manual, or do you use it to prop up your wobbly table?

No, no. It would be quicker to learn Japanese, wouldn't it, than to read the instructions? Who's got the time for this?

Does the idea of HDTV frighten you, as it will mean that people can now see right into your very soul in crystal-clear resolution?

High definition TV really is like the Emperor's New Clothes.

How do you view the use of in-car sat navs now-a-days?

The same. It's all a con.

Do you think there is an obvious boy/girl divide on gadgets or that we all lust after the same things?

I don't know but are women more susceptible to gadgets? I think they might be.