As stoical as a slab of concrete, Jim Bowen was ideally suited to Bullseye, the dour darts gameshow that cemented the misery of many a school kid's Sunday afternoon. Along the way Jim's also been a stand-up comic, actor, chat show host and now pop idol. Is there nothing this retro TV legend can't do?
One of my worst lines was when I asked a guy what he did for a living and he said, "I've been unemployed two years". I replied, "Smashing". If looks could have killed...
From deputy head teacher to the notorious Northern Club circuit - how did you get into stand up?
I went to see Ken Dodd one night in the 60s and was absolutely marvelised. I started unashamedly nicking gags, watching other comics and trying to do my own comedy thing. Then I did The Comedians in 70s and that was it. I came out of teaching completely and went on to do the clubs. From there, things just locked into place for me very nicely.
Bullseye reached cult status - how did you bag the presenting job?
Right place, right time. Out of the three people who'd been approached one wasn't in, one was on answer phone and the other, well I don't know. But eventually it came to me - by extreme default, that is. And I got it. I was pretty horrendous to begin with and the show wasn't doing well. But for some reason - still to this day we don't know why - after a while we suddenly started getting between nine and10 million viewers. It was crazy. People just took to it.
Why do you reckon it's stayed so popular?
If I knew that I'd be a very wealthy man.
Why was the star prize always a speedboat when the contestants often lived in a flat in Wolverhampton?
We got a good deal on a batch of them! Honestly though, it wasn't always the prize - people just got the impression it was. People picked up on it because of the incongruity of it. Two people of completely independent means winning a speed boat. How do you share a speedboat?! Two of you when you're not related and living in Wolverhampton?!
What was the funniest/worst thing that happened on the show?
One of the contestants was in a wheelchair - he and his partner got through to the final. The star prize was supposed to be a three-piece-suite. Peter Harris, the show's director, panicked and told us to swap it for the holiday. But when the holiday came up it was a skiing trip. That one's in my after-dinner speech now. The guy in the wheelchair loved it!
One of the worst was when I asked a guy what he did for a living and he said, "I've been unemployed two years". I replied, "Smashing". If looks could have killed I wouldn't be talking to you now.
You played wig-wearing Hoss Cartwright in the second series of Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights. Have you ever been tempted to wear a wig in real life?
No and especially not now. Although I wore one in the Armadillo music video. I was proud to wear it. I was even prouder it stayed on.
What's the wittiest thing you've ever seen or heard?
Oh my god. The wittiest thing? It actually alters. Little lines amuse me now. I went to see a guy the other week who said, "We're going to see my granddad tonight, we call him spider", - you know the gag. "It's not that he's slim, it's just because he can't get out the bath." That tickled me beyond belief that. Crazy isn't it? There've been too many witty moments in my life - I've been very lucky.
You're an avid jazz fan - and once described yourself as the most frustrated trumpet player in the world. Have you got any better?
No, I've probably got worse. I'm performing on a ship at the end of the month with a band I haven't worked with for five years so I'm playing hymns to get my lip back in.
You performed at the Edinburgh festival in 2005 and 06 and were up there again this year fronting a TV chat show. Do you still do any stand-up yourself?
No. At 71-years-old nothing stands up either in your work or in your body. Trust me!
