Monday 27 Apr 09

I hate loving Football

I hate football. I hate football because I watch it every week and can’t stop myself. Coverage of football is repetitive and in the main merely speculation, uber-rich Premier League footballers themselves are loathsome and the results are predictable. The Premier League is the least competitive league in the world, mainly because all of the crazy billions are stuck at one end of the table. The odd shock here and there, yes, but mostly it’s mostly the same old story.

Sooner the world will wake up and see that the top end of English football is vile, especially if one compares it to the lower leagues.

Even when Villa were six points clear of fifth there was an awful inevitability they would somehow slip up and the Arse would once again make the top 4 tiresome again. Because, as I frequently hear on rolling Sports News channels (sigh), “it would be a disaster for Arsenal not to be in the Champions League.” Yes, my heart would certainty bleed – poverty would have a new meaning.

Take a look at Luton Town; the authorities gave them an impossible mountain to climb, facing Hatters to contemplate an entire season of staring relegation in the face. Yet 40,000 of their fans turn up the Johnson’s Paint Trophy and are ecstatic with the doomed team’s victory. The memory of that will live on for a long time. Magical. The type of football story that brings a lump to the throat.

Now look at Manchester United winning the Carling Cup. To them, the winning of this particular trophy is merely a notch on their quest for complete domination of the footballing world. Soccercapitalism is what it is. In year’s to come, someone will remind a Man U fan that they won the League Cup in 2009, and the glory-hunting arseface will reply, “oh yeah, we did. When we won everything else aswell.” Congratulations; you’re rich. Any other club fan (except three others) would consider having 2009 tattooed on their arse.

I’m going to come clean; I’m a Spurs fan. I can tell you that Spurs would have appreciated winning the Carling Cup way more than any Man Utd fan, and yes, is because Spurs are less successful. But ask a random in the pub who they support – if they say something like “Norwich” or “Bury,” your reply will be “oh, really?” This is a true, thick-and-thin football fan. But hear “Chelsea,” and the instinct is to groan and go and talk to somebody else.

Man Utd have apparently been on a bad run recently. They beat Aston Villa 3-2, and then beat Sunderland 2-1. They must really be staring relegation in the face. I’m sure there are loyal Man U, Arsenal, Liverpool and Chelsea fans out there, and it isn’t their fault their clubs have been over-run with soulless, knuckle-dragging fartheads that support their club “coz dey looked good on duh telly.” But football has become too ugly and horrible to follow –for instance – Avram Grant finishes within a game of the Premier League title and reaches two cup finals and is sacked. That sums it up. Brian Clough is turning in his grave.

The solution – pretend the Premier League doesn’t exist. Either Wolves or Sheffield United will win the league this year despite neither of them being in the top four last season. Now that’s competitive and exciting. (JT)