UKTV Style's Agony Aunt :)

I AM A ACTIVE HAPPY O.A.P.WITH ONE PROBLEM....
BACK ACHE, IT WAKES ME OF A NIGHT AND IS THERE OF A MORNING. COULD IT BE A SIDE EFFECT OF A BLOOD PRESSURE TABLETS ?
MY BED IS GREAT AND I DRINK HORLICKS OF A NIGHT, I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY SURJESTIONS THAT YOU COULD OFFER.

Hi taty,

Although I thought my bed was fine the matress was not... and my back has improved considerably since I changed it.

Angela (not an agony aunt)

Hi taty,
Good idea to check with the doctor. Your pharmacist should be able to check if backache is a side effect of the tablets, and it should also say on the leaflet that came with the medication.
I treated myself to a deep pile NZ wool mattress pad/top some years ago, not the pathetic things you buy in the high street this is a good one inch thick pile woven into backing like a thick fleece. Very soft and comfortable, with no need for an electric blanket and the only drawback being that it is awkward to wash -being so thick and heavy. I'd love to recommend it but can't find it online, you might consider something similar.

Best wishes, Trisha

Hi taty,
I am certainly not an 'Agony Uncle', but I do believe that your first port of call should be a doctor or a chiropractor. The Chiropractor won't prove cheap but it will soon be established if it is more serious than just plain backache.
Don't hesitate to go and soon, please.
Cheers
Les Woods of Lincoln

Hi, thank you all for your kind advice. Went to the Doctors , who sent me to physiotherapy, which helped a lot also I took up swimming.The next thing to do is to look for a new bed.

hi
need a bit of advice
i made sometime ago a victorian dress i was wondering if there is any possibility of stiffen the dress as im going to hang it on a wall as a feature so it needs to be quite stiff the stiffer the better i was considering wallpaper paste
thanks leigh

have you though of useing old fashioned starch , better still spray starch. useing wall paper paste would stain the material and make it impossible to wash when needed.

I'm a Single Mum of 34 & I'm desperate for a social life. Any suggestions on making new friends? I work as a Freelance Consultant, so I don't have any work mates to socialise with & 70% of my time is spent working at home, which is very isolating. Until the end of our relationship 3 months ago, my entire social life revolved around my partner & I never really noticed a gap. My parents also emigrated in December, leaving me without any family in the UK & no babysitter! My son stays with his Father most weekends, leaving me with lots of free time & nothing to do! Any suggestions? Please!

hi kellogs, you could try joining some clubs in your area for single parents that just you and your son could join . If you don't know of any try your library for advice or try this site, it may have a group in your area,

[link]

Hope this helps

Lynn

is there anything i can take to help severe pmt.Iam on st johns wart,and passiflora,lemon balm and avena sativa(in one)for 23 days i have been coming on,bleed for aday then stop, start to feel better that day then the next i start coming on again and have to go through everything again .had a coil fitted 3 months back doc says it will settle but meantime I have bad anxiety apart from 1day between coming on..(that 1 day I feel NORMAL and glad to go out and live )done relax tapes even paul mckenna tapes.sick of feelling like this and being told theres nothing to help I got slight pmt before but this is so bad Iam lucky I work from home or I would be out of work.any advice apart from go to the doctor who nods his head as if HE KNOWS HOW I FEEL then tells me it will pass and most girls go through this!!!!!! I cant do anything when Iam like this I suffer ,my kids suffer and I feel sometimes I cant cope with it

Hi pmt chick
A B vitamin supplement might help you cope with the stress this is causing, but my best advice is to go see your local family planning clinic. They should be well clued up on all matters coil, and its possible that your symptoms will mean more to them than they do to your doctor who has mentally ticked the box 'irregular bleeding' without addressing the impact this has on your life.

It does sound as if your hormones are on a yoyo (alternate days sounds like an extreme case) and the pmt is a side effect of this, not the cause. In the meantime also take an iron supplement - you can't afford to be losing so much. If you can bear them , lamb kidneys are rich in iron and copper and nice grilled or fried for breakfast.

Not 'all girls go through this', 1 in 10 has the coil taken out in the first year because of pain or what you describe.

Hi pmt chick,

It sounds like there's several issues going on here - depression/anxiety, pmt and problems with a contraceptive coil, and that they are related.

Have you been prescribed a coil for medical reasons or is it solely for contraception? Indeed, a common side-effect of the Mirena coil is hormonal side-effects and irregular bleeding. You need to inform your doctor about your mood swings and anxiety and discuss the possibilty of alternatives if you're no longer keen to persist with the coil. Alternatively, speak to a doctor at your local Family Planning clinic who should be able to help you make the right decision.

Whatever you decide - please do something! Don't suffer in silence! It may be that the problem is relatively easy to rectify and you'll feel a whole lot better for having made the effort.

Take care,
The UKTV Style team

THANKS ITS GOOD TO GET SOME ADVICE WHICH IS HELPFUL....IVE NOT BEEN OUT THE DOOR FOR A WEEK BECAUSE OF THE WAY I FEEL IVE SET THE FIRE ALARMS OFF 3 TIMES DUE TO ME FORGETTING SOMETHINGS ON THE STOVE! BUT I CAN STILL LAUGH...ST JOHNS WART HAS TOOK SOME OF THE UPSET OF IT,NOW I NEED TO KNOCK THE FORGETTING AND ANXIETY OFF AND I WILL TACKLE THE REST AS IT COMES.DOCTOR THINKS IT WILL SETTLE DOWN THE LONGER I GO ON BUT FORGETS THAT IAM THE ONE TESTING HIS IDEAS AND HAS NO OTHER ADVICE......APART FOR COME AND SEE ME IN ANOTHER 2MONTHS.

Hi there
Can anyone tell me if ice cream has any goodness/vitamins/minerals as I love it and can't give it up. I take (not too much) some before I go to bed with cornflakes (I am mad I think) but I love it. I know it is fattening but I love it so much. Now can someone tell me what is in icecream. I buy tubs for the week from my supermarket.

HOpe to hear good news i.e. it is good for me.

Beauty/Bagpuss

Hi Beautiful Bagpuss - I don't know about ice cream, you will find the ingredients on the tubs -beware the ones that say 'non-milk fat' it means they are made from vegetables (I suppose) instead of dairy produce. I prefer the sorbets - tangy lemon sorbet, strawberry sorbet and best of all mango sorbet with blackcurrant sorbet a close second (when I can find it!) All that lovely fruit and so few calories. Yum yum.

Thanks Tertia

Why do I love Ice Cream so much. I take it on fruit and cerials and anything that will go with it. But I don't take a lot of it as I do know it can be fattening. I read once it had the mineral zinc in it so I automatically thought 'That's good'. Anyway I will try some of your suggestions but if you find out what ice cream is good perhaps you would let me know. I buy Tesco's tub icecream (coffee flavour). Yum Yum.

beautiful bagpuss

Hi
I need help with my daughter and her father. I have recently seperated from my husband and my teenage daughter has now moved in with me. The trouble is they are both so stubborn!! Before my daughter moved in with me, during an argument she told her father that she hated him then 2 days later asked him for her pocket money, which he refused. He is now saying that he is teaching her a lesson for what she said and that he will not give her any pocket money, she on the other hand has totally disowned him and is angry with me for still being 'normal' with him. I need to find a way forward, any ideas?

Angel

Help. My life has been turned upside down. I was married for 13 years and have 3 fantastic kids. My husband recently left me, and the kids. He started a relationship with a woman at work who I know and was friendly with. We all work at the same place. I an accept that the relationship is at an end as we have both been unhappy for so long. What I am finding difficult is coming to terms with the damage done within the relationship. He was a hunky man and I was kind of attractive. The sex sold me and we married within 6 months. He always had the stronger personality and I felt like the little woman. His temper was awful and I felt frightened when he was angry. If he had lost something I would stop and help him look for it as I was so frightened. He was always known as a ladies man and I fought for so long to trust him. A friend of his accused him of trying to bed his girlfriend and I fell for it. This bloke was obviously interested in me but I was married. We had 2 really dirty phone calls about us having sex and I realised what I had done. I stoppped but this bloke still kept trying to flirt. He would come round when he knew my husband wasn't at work or call me. I never thought anything of it. I couldn't tell my husband as I thought he would kill this bloke. He found out when we were away on holiday abroad. He read a letter that I was writing to a canadian penfriend.
She was so pretty and seemed to have a fantastic like and there was me with not a lot going on so I played on the fact that this bloke was flirting with me.
He found it and it was awful. I tried to run away from him and his anger. He chased me through the streets of Bodrum calling me a fat ugly big nosed bristol xxxxx. I couldn't get away from him. He accused me of having an affair and I just couldn't prove that I hadn't. He kept me in the hotel room and wouldn't let me out. I was so scared that I jumped from a first floor window and ran off. I went to walk out into the sea and swim until I just got too tired. But I kept on saying the names of my two children and knew I had to go back.
We returned home from holiday and it was like the spanish inquisition. He had this bloke round and questioned the pair of us. The other bloke said that he hadn't done anything but he wouldn't beleive either of us. My husband told me that all his mates called me billy liar and that the bloke called me a married xxxxx. We used to argue until the small hours. The name calling was awful. I can remember argueing one evening and I had the phone. I said that I was going to phone his mum and he tried to pull the phone away from me but let it go and it bashed my mouth making it cut inside.
Whenever we argued, which wasn't that often he would call me those names. Once he was walking up the stairs calling a fat ugly big nosed bristol xxxxx and I punched him and kicked him, I just couldn't help myself.
He told me that he went round to see this bloke and dragged him by his hair across his lounge to make him say that we had slept together but we just hadn't.
But on the other hand, I got into a lot of debt and kept it from him. I felt I just couldn't tell him. He was too angry. I suppose that I was in awe of him and never thought myself worthy. I also put on weight.
Around 7 years ago, I had a miscarriage. It was a planned child and I was devastated, I blamed myself straight away. He was due to go away on a lads holiday and I told him to go as I knew he couldn't comfort me. He went away on a lads holiday once a year and no matter how much I told him I didn't agree with it, he still went.
Then I suppose about 5 years ago I was diagnosed with depression. I was given medication. He never beleived me, he asked what I had to be depressed aout and said that anti depressants were placibos and it was all a state of mind. He never supported me. I put even more weight on.
He said that I was violent towards him but I swear I just can't remember this. I can remember hitting him when he called me names and I know that this is absolutely awful and so wrong but I just couldn't stop him.
Two years ago he came home and said that he was having difficulty being with me. For the next 4 months I tried to do everything that I could for him, I gave him so much freedom. He would go off and not tell me when he was coming back. I had a third child, a son, and he used to take him off to his parents and not tell me when he was coming back. I threw him out in the december. I discovered that he had been receing text messages from another woman at work. They were her sexual fantasies and she included him. He kept the pictures on his mobile. He always locked his mobile or kept it away from me. I was so upset but forgave him. I told the both of them, well begged them not to do it again.
Then this January I had a nose job. I have always hated my nose although it was never that big. I kept it all from him. I took out a credit card which I kept from him and told him a week before the op. He was obviously so angry with me. I told him that it would be the start of a new me. Another empty promise as far as he is concerned. We went to Madrid and made promises to each other. He changed and was so fantastic and loving. I did nothing. I am lazy and half of me couldn't be bothered. I was happy for him to do all the work and sit back. I had made promises to lose weight but didn't. I put on more weight. He changed back and I can't blame him, I really can't. I didn't do anything for him.
Then there was a bereavement in the family. I really wanted out and knew that this time I had to lose weight as I knew that I had to try to become that woman all those years ago that he married as I needed to make a decision when I was mentally well if I really wanted to be with him, but I stayed as I felt that he might need me. He didn't.
He went away for the weekend. He told me he ws going to his mums and he told his mum that he was going to his mates in Wigan. He even rang me from Birmingham to say that the traffic was bad. He texted me later that night and asked if I wanted to go away the next weekend. I didn't reply as I didn't really want to but when he text again I replied and said yes. The next morning a letter came from a holiday company saying that he was actually in a hotel in Devon, booked for two people. I rang the hotel and asked to be put through to the room and a woman answered and said he wasn't there.
He said that he had gone away to be on his own. He came back to a friends and then went to his parents. He returned to Bristol but stayed with a friend. I begged him to come home. He would come home and stay for the evening and sleep with me and then go off.
The about two weeks ago, he was sleeping in our sons bed as our son was with me. It was about 5am. I reached over him and got his mobile phone. He had messages from this woman at work. It was obvious they were in a relationship. There were also messages from the previous woman of a sexual nature.
I woke him up and told him to go. I threw one bag out and then his phone out. I went to get the other bag and he stood up and I thought he was going to hit me but he didn't. I pushed him to the door and then he called me a fat ugly cow. I punched him in the face and used my stomach to push him out. He hit his elbow on the wall and it bruised straight away and the skin was broken. It was awful. He said that he was going to call the police and this is his right. I got dressed, called my mum and waited for the police to come. They didn't.
It sounds so awful. Our marriage is well and truely over. I have fat ugly cow branded into my brain. I have the fact that I was violent towards him and that I constantly lied to him and never kept a promise to him. I let him down time and time again. I have put on 7 stone since we married and pick the spots on my face which have left horrible scars. I eat on my emotions but feel like crap. I feel like this awful ugly failure that let him and my children down. The week before I found the messages I told him it was over. He left and I took an overdose. I just wanted to stop the pain. I told him to tell the children that I had a brain tumour and that is why I had died. I was fed up with the pain and the failure. I can remember coming round when he kicked my really hard shouting 'wake up'. I can remember trying to sleep but he kept pulling the covers off me. I can remember the paramedics arriving and asking me how many tablets I had taken and that is it until the next day. My mum picked me up from hospital. She later left me at home. I had the 3 kids coming home from school but he nevr called me to see how I was. It wasn't for attention, I did it because the pain just got too bad.
How do I get back on track? I feel such a failure. I know that I must mend myself. I have two daughters and I don't want them growing up to be like me. Yes I love all of my children so ferouciously and would fight to the death for them but what good am I to them? I have lied and let my husband down.

Marti bear.

Have you seen your GP about this? He/she would help you and refer you to a psychiatrist probably, since you attempted suicide, and you have a history of depression. They may also recommend you for counselling. You may be able to get a counselor to visit you at home. Your first step if you haven't seen your GP, is to go immediately to see them.
As well as that let go of blaming yourself to start with.
There is so much in this post, and you need to talk about this face to face with an experienced professional.

hi iam 21 and a mother of two kids i look like i am a mam what do i wear to look like a mother